Will Arnold Still Follow the Script During His First Days in Office?

Readers ask if anything about the recall campaign has surprised me, and I have to say yes. I’m a little surprised that, from the start, Arnold Schwarzenegger has followed my advice almost to the letter.

For instance, I told Arnold to avoid serious issues and let his celebrity get him elected, and he has.

I told him to stick with friendly talk show hosts like Larry King, and he has, taking it one step further with his appearance on Oprah Winfrey.

OPRAH: Are you, like, getting a crash course in government?

ARNOLD: Oh, that’s exactly what it is. I mean, you know, there’s a lot of things to ...

OPRAH: Really? Like, are they at your house to -- teaching you stuff every night?

ARNOLD: Oh ... (unintelligible). It’s from morning ...

OPRAH: Really?

On the strength of such repartee, along with round-the-clock tutoring, Arnold may be governor when you wake up a week from Wednesday. I thought I’d continue helping him out by writing press releases for his first days in office.

Oct. 8

GOVERNOR’S TEAM IN PLACE

Gov. Schwarzenegger today appointed a 70-member “Terminate the Deficit Council,” and a 150-member “What Now? Team,” which will be chaired by Tom Selleck.

“Rob Lowe did a terrific job in the campaign, and now he passes the torch,” Gov. Schwarzenegger said in naming Selleck, best-known as television’s Magnum, P.I.

Oct. 9

GOVERNOR DEFENDS REMARKS

Gov. Schwarzenegger today explained comments he made at his inaugural gala.

“What I said was, ‘Whoever says they don’t have any hot babes in Sacramento doesn’t know what they’re talking about.’ It’s just an outrageous thing I said at the time.”

INAUGURAL REMARKS UPDATE

Gov. Schwarzenegger further clarified comments he made at his inaugural gala.

“If I said ‘hot babes,’ it was just my way of pumping up Sacramento.”

FINAL UPDATE

As he explained this evening on Larry King, Gov. Schwarzenegger’s controversial comments at his inaugural were misunderstood. He told the talk show host that he meant “haute babes.”

Oct. 10

KEY JUDICIAL APPOINTMENT

Gov. Schwarzenegger today announced the appointment of Judge Judy to the California Supreme Court.

“Watching her show all these years, I couldn’t wait to make this appointment. Judge Judy knows about the big cases, the little cases, all that stuff.”

JUDICIAL APPOINTMENT UPDATE

Gov. Schwarzenegger this evening fired Bill Simon as his chief advisor after discovering there are no openings on the state’s high court. Judge Judy has agreed instead to head the governor’s 44-member Council on Judicial Fitness.

Oct. 11

GOVERNOR MEETS PRESIDENT

“I think Arnold is going to do a fantastic job for California,” President George W. Bush said today after an off-road tour of Muir Woods with Gov. Schwarzenegger in the governor’s Hummer.

In a ceremony beneath a canopy of redwoods, President Bush announced a tax credit proposal for Hummer owners who convert to hydrogen fuel.

PRESIDENT, GOVERNOR SAFE

President Bush was resting comfortably at the Mark Hopkins Hotel after being mildly shaken up in a minor collision while leaving Muir Woods with Gov. Schwarzenegger, who also escaped injury. Two hikers allegedly struck by the governor’s Hummer are in serious but stable condition at an undisclosed hospital.

Oct. 12

FANTASTIC JOBS FOR ALL

Gov. Schwarzenegger repeated his promise of economic recovery today, appearing with a dozen waitresses at a Hooters restaurant in San Diego.

“I’ll be back,” Schwarzenegger promised the staff before turning his attention to international affairs.

“All of those jobs that are leaving California, it turns out they’re going to India,” the governor told business leaders. “I thought it was Nevada and Arizona.”

Oct. 13

MCCLINTOCK RESCUE EFFORT

Gov. Schwarzenegger has authorized a team of doctors from Patton State Hospital to pick up state Sen. Tom McClintock. The senator was reportedly in Bakersfield with a bullhorn and a six-shooter screaming, “No taxes in my lifetime.” He has continued to campaign in the days following Gov. Schwarzenegger’s landslide victory.

Oct. 14

PUMPING UP SACRAMENTO

Gov. Schwarzenegger today repeated his vow for a balanced state budget, but blasted Democrats for not helping him find anything good to cut.

“They remind me of the androids I had to fight in the ‘Terminator’ movies,” said Gov. Schwarzenegger, who announced that car license fees will be quadrupled until his 700-member Economic Advisory Council (EAC) concludes its audit of state spending.

PUMPING UPDATE

The audit of state spending has been delayed until 2004 because of scheduling conflicts for EAC co-chairs Milton Friedman and Florence Henderson.

Oct. 15

EDUCATION SUMMIT

Gov. Schwarzenegger has announced an education-reform summit to be conducted on tomorrow’s Oprah. In addition to Gov. Schwarzenegger, guests will include teacher Jaime Escalante, who was profiled in the movie “Stand and Deliver,” and Karen Valentine, who played a student-teacher in “Room 222.”

“I always had a crush on her,” Gov. Schwarzenegger said.

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Steve Lopez writes Sunday, Wednesday and Friday.