Straight or Gay, Jersey Gov. Flings a Curveball

As one of the nation’s 50 governors, you’ve really got to go out of your way to become a better story than Arnold Schwarzenegger.

But Democratic New Jersey Gov. James McGreevey swung for the fences Thursday, dragging his wife before a national TV audience to say he’s gay, and he’s resigning.

Well, of course he’s gay. That’s God’s revenge on anyone who votes to raise taxes, as McGreevey did as a state legislator.

What a day. The California Supreme Court throws out 4,000 gay marriages from San Francisco before all the wedding presents are opened. And then the governor of the “tough guy” state joins the ranks of gay bachelors in a nationally televised therapy session.

“At a point in every person’s life,” McGreevey said, “one has to look deeply into the mirror of one’s soul and decide one’s unique truth in the world, not as we may want to see it or hope to see it, but as it is.”

Yeah, whatever. But it didn’t add up, if you ask me.

For one thing, you aren’t automatically disqualified as governor if you happen to be gay. And why was McGreevey’s wife standing by her man as if he was announcing a Jersey Turnpike beautification project?

I’ve spent a lot of time in the Garden State, and no Jersey girl I ever met would attend her husband’s coming-out party.

By the way, it looked like Mrs. McGreevey was wearing a St. John knit. No gay man I know would be seen in public with a woman dressed like that.

The truth of the matter is that there’s always something worse going on in New Jersey than anyone is willing to admit. Remember Abscam, the Superfund sites and Jimmy Hoffa, who, as legend has it, sleeps in the foundation of a football stadium?

Given Jersey history, I wouldn’t put it past McGreevey to have pulled a fast one.

Maybe the governor figured he’d be the next target of the fundraising scandal that already has rocked his administration. So he tells everyone he’s gay, investigators lose interest in him after he resigns his office, and he and blondie race for Atlantic City, where they celebrate in a private suite at Trump’s Taj Mahal.

On the other hand, maybe he was worried about having put his lover on the state payroll in a $110,000-a-year job for which he had no qualifications, even though that never stopped other New Jersey governors.

After all, McGreevey did mention “threats of disclosure” in his resignation speech, which sounds like he expects trouble.

Whatever the truth may be, McGreevey needs to keep one thing in mind: He doesn’t have to be gay if he doesn’t want to be. You’ve heard of Exodus, right? That’s the outfit that ran a full-page ad in The Times recently, claiming it can cure homosexuality.

If I had to guess, I’d say there are more gay people living straight lives than straight people living gay lives, and far too many people worrying about it either way.

But what do I know? I’m still waiting to find out whether Exodus can get me to stop thinking I might be Hispanic.

Whatever McGreevey might be, I think he should pack his bags and trade the Garden State for the Golden State, where Gov. Girlie Man is proof that we can be a tolerant bunch.

With help from Exodus, McGreevey could go straight once again, start groping women, and resurrect his political career.

Anything’s possible. Right?

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Steve Lopez writes Sunday, Wednesday and Friday. Reach him at steve.lopez@latimes.com and read previous columns at www.latimes.com/lopez.