Is There Anybody Left to Bail Out the Dodgers?

The first thing you really have to do is give the Dodgers a lot of credit.

They’ve made it clear they are working on Milton Bradley’s anger management problem, making sure he was in an Ohio jail Thursday when it came time to hear the infuriating news that Adrian Beltre would not be returning to the Dodgers.

That’s also what made the Athletics’ announcement that they had traded big-time pitcher Tim Hudson to the Braves rather than the Dodgers so timely. If Milton is as unhappy as some of the Dodger fans seem to be about the way the team is conducting off-season business, it’s probably a good thing he was locked up.

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FRANKLY, I like what the Dodgers have done so far, and I’d even say that to Milton’s face -- on visiting day -- through a thick glass window by telephone.

Come on, the Dodgers were in the playoffs last season, so they obviously know what they are doing.

They rented Jose Lima’s enthusiasm for a year, Steve Finley’s bat for a few months and now there’s “informed” speculation they might unload Brad Penny (thanks for the memories), Yhency Brazoban and Shawn Green for a couple of minor leaguers, a pitcher that fell out of grace with the Yankees and money for the Dodger owner.

That ought to make the Dodgers the talk of baseball again.

When’s the last time anyone talked about the Los Angeles Angels?

I think it’s hard to argue with what the Dodgers are doing, and for several reasons:

* The Dodgers are making the off-season case once again that they won’t be any good, thereby assembling the kind of team that suits the Micro Manager best. If you’re going to have a collection of stiffs wearing Dodger blue, then you’re not going to spend a lot of money on a big-time manager, so the Dodgers brought back Jim Tracy, who takes pride in doing what he can with players who aren’t very good.

* The Boston Parking Lot Attendant is adding more expensive seats built closer to the field so cheers from adoring Dodger fans will motivate players. This way he can sign cheaper players who are just happy to have a job and still like cheering fans rather than the stuck-up superstars who find motivation in big contracts.

* In the past 12 months there have been reports the Dodgers have talked about trading for or signing Hudson, Sammy Sosa, Mike Piazza, Mike Matheny, Nomar Garciaparra, Randy Johnson, Charles Johnson, Frank Thomas, Rafael Palmeiro, Ivan Rodriguez, Carlos Delgado, Richard Hidalgo, Vladimir Guerrero, Carlos Lee, Derrek Lee, Carl Pavano, Kaz Matsui, Randy Winn, Paul Konerko and Corey Koskie. How exciting. Missing out on Hudson and Beltre, the name game continues.

* The Dodgers have added Jeff Kent, which explains why they raised preferred parking prices. You can understand the demand to see him play.

* “Substantiated” rumor has it the Dodgers are going to get a pitcher living in the Yankees’ doghouse. This could become an annual event. A year ago it was Jeff Weaver. This time it will be Javier Vazquez. It could be worse. It could be Kevin Brown again.

* Paul DePodesta has a reputation to maintain following in the footsteps of Kevin Malone and Dan Evans. And right now you’d have to say it’s as if Malone and Evans never left.

* DePodesta thinks Hee-Seop Choi can be an everyday first baseman.

* When the new team takes the field, Ross Porter won’t be telling you how many times each one of them struck out on a Tuesday night under a full moon. Now you’ll have Charley Steiner, a guy who will make you think Jason Grabowski came that close to hitting a homer while striking out for the fifth time on a Tuesday night under a full moon. And more important, the Parking Lot Attendant won’t be paying as much to bring you such commentary.

* Did I mention the Dodgers signed Ricky Ledee? Elmer Dessens? Obviously the brass will do whatever is necessary to put an underdog on the field, and we all love an underdog, so the Dodgers are really giving us just what we want.

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WHEN I heard they had cleaned up the mess in Carson, I took for granted they were talking about the toxic waste dump that has been under consideration as the site for a new NFL stadium, only to learn the Chargers had announced they would no longer conduct their training camp at the Home Depot Center.

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BILL MORRIS has been contributing to the “Landmine Relief Fund” for some time, and came up with the idea of auctioning a Matt Leinart USC jersey on EBay autographed by the Trojans’ biggest fan, The Times’ Page 2 columnist.

The bidding started at $50 four days ago. So far there have been no bids.

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RICK MAJERUS, talking about his 125-pound mother and his physique at the news conference to announce his hiring at USC, said, “I often say I’m the result of swimming pool sperm.” That’s funny, because I’ve often thought that’s the only way they’d ever find someone to turn that program around.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in a reprint of a Sports Viewpoint letter from Joel Rapp on Oct. 16:

“For what it’s worth: The other night, my daughter met Frank McCourt in a local restaurant and told him that [her father] was a longtime Dodger [fan] and would like nothing better than to congratulate him on the team’s miraculous season. ‘Dial him up!’ was McCourt’s retort. ... Just before we hung up, I asked him, ‘Mr. McCourt, would you look right into the phone and promise you will sign Adrian Beltre?’ His response: ‘Don’t worry, my friend, you will have your third baseman.’ Make of that answer what you will.”

The Dodgers are going to have a third baseman this season no matter what.

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Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.