You Have to Get Up Pretty Early to Outsmart Him

I was up at 8 a.m., 5 a.m. your time, because Uncle Pete was going to address the media, and as all Trojan diehards know, he’s the smartest guy around these days.

Of course, like his team’s defense in most games, he’s a slow starter, and quite boring as I learned before making the necessary adjustment to liven up the proceedings.

While he warmed up, I thumbed through some of the other stories on the upcoming Orange Bowl and noticed Berry Tramel from the Daily Oklahoman had put together a list of top coaching records in big-time college football since 2000. What else are you going to do if you work for a paper in Oklahoma?

Oklahoma Coach Bob Stoops’ name was atop that list, and while I didn’t expect to find Karl Dorrell’s name, it was kind of shocking when you take into consideration how well we think Uncle Pete has been doing.

Stoops has won 91% of the games he has coached the last five years, the Sooners going 60-6, and I got to thinking, what if Stoops is really smarter than Uncle Pete?

I brought this to Uncle Pete’s attention after the Trojans’ afternoon workout, showed him the chart of coaching records since 2000, and asked him, “What if Stoops is smarter than you are?”

Uncle Pete nodded. I guess I wasn’t the only one concerned. “I’ve lost 50% more games than Stoops,” he said, while noting his own record. “It’s not even close.”

Miami’s Larry Coker is No. 2 on the list with an .878 winning percentage and Texas’ Mack Brown, the sad sack who can’t win a big game -- which tells you who is going to win the Rose Bowl -- is next at .823 before Uncle Pete checks in with a 41-9 mark. I’d hate to think how far down the list Uncle Pete’s name would be if USC didn’t get the chance to pad its record with a game against UCLA every year.

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IT SURE appears as if Stoops has the edge on Uncle Pete, which is great news for the USC faithful. Is there anyone in the business who does a better job of making adjustments when it appears the other guy has a head start on his team?

“We’re pretty good at doing the rope-a-dope to start the game,” Carroll admitted. “We’ve been a great team when it comes to making adjustments, but I couldn’t tell you why. I guess we just make stuff fit better as the game goes on.”

Uncle Pete began his adjustment to college coaching the same way, getting off to a 2-5 start; take those baby steps away, and Carroll’s winning percentage since then is .907 to Stoops’ .909.

Oklahoma’s motto is “Finish.” I guess they borrowed it from Uncle Pete.

If Oklahoma gets the jump on USC in the Orange Bowl, well, let’s put it this way, Oklahoma better get the jump on USC. The Trojans’ defense, under the tutelage of Carroll, has allowed only two touchdowns and one field goal in the fourth quarter all season long.

Virginia Tech, Stanford and Oregon State each had the lead over USC at halftime, only to become another victim by game’s end. USC shut out five opponents in the second half, while allowing an average of 4.6 points in the final two quarters.

The way the chart reads right now, Uncle Pete might not be as smart as Stoops, but he’s obviously a fast learner.

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THE NATIONAL championship game will be the 642nd of Sid Brooks’ career as equipment manager, originally for the San Diego Chargers and the last five years for USC, and his last before officially retiring April 1.

Brooks, one of 12 selected in a field of 650,000 in 1970 as most outstanding airmen in the Air Force, put 20 years in the military before joining the Chargers in 1973. Players such as Walter Payton, Jack Lambert and Jerry Rice wouldn’t leave the stadium without paying homage to Brooks.

I covered the Chargers for seven of his years and never met a worse source in professional football. He maintained from day one that “he knew nothing,” and while I know he knew everything, he never provided a single piece of information.

“I put in 27 years with the Chargers,” he said, “but the last five years at USC have been the most enjoyable. I had one of our women tennis players come to me and ask to watch her play, and then thank me later for showing up. This has been a wonderful experience.”

Sid, now known as Sidney at USC because it’s more Hollywood, said he would take a seat on the bench after the USC game and spend a few extra minutes reminiscing about his time on the football field. I hope the Times photographers take note: That’s a picture that will be worth 1,000 words.

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USC WIDE receiver Dwayne Jarrett wears No. 8, so I assumed he was a big fan of Kobe Bryant. “No, no, I never liked Kobe that much,” said Jarrett. “I’m more of a Shaq guy.”

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FORMER USC running back and current L.A. radio host Petros Papadakis, wearing a pink shirt, green and yellow tennis shoes and a belt that spelled out “dork,” watched the Trojans practice and said, “It’s really a losable game for them.”

And he wonders why no one takes him seriously on the radio.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes from Jake Sherlock, native Wyomingite:

“I have a few bones to pick with you. While I have no doubt the Cowboy faithful had a good time [it was our first bowl appearance in 11 years], what’s with they”partied like they had never seen a big city before?’ I guess us backwater hicks just don’t know about fancy things like slot machines, fine liquors and indoor plumbing.”

Well, I got your message via Pony Express.

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Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.