Forget Courtroom Dramas -- Defendants’ Pleas Often Add a Comedic Touch

Fans of TV courtroom dramas are familiar with the plea of no contest, meaning the defendant doesn’t contest the charges. But, in real life, the words don’t always come out that way.

“On many occasions, my clients have entered a plea of ‘no content,’ ” said Frederick Brennan, an L.A. County deputy public defender. The wildest variation that Brennan witnessed occurred in an Inglewood court, where his client was charged with indecent exposure.

“He pled ‘no condom,’ ” Brennan said. “Needless to say, the whole courtroom broke into laughter.”

Chew on this: “Just today I got a student’s paper with the line, ‘I am concerned about law-biting citizens and by standards,’ ” wrote Carol McKenzie, a professor emeritus at Cal State L.A. “Maybe he’s got some truth there, actually.”

Unreal estate: Today’s showings (see accompanying) include a development that deserves a part in “The Sopranos” (from Craig Brown of Hemet), a house with a mystery room (from Mel Pollner), and a “condo” with an ocean view, to say the least (from Dr. Fred Rasmussen of Ventura).

Elementary politics: OK, the debate among Democratic presidential hopefuls at USC is over. Now let’s hear how Valerie Anne Bishop’s third-graders at San Rafael Elementary School in Pasadena see themselves spending a typical day if elected to the White House:

* “In the morning as president, I wake up and fix the bed.” (Lupita Valladares)

* “I drive around in my go-cart.” (Dionne Dawson)

* “I go to my office to work on my work. Then I go to work again so I don’t get fired.” (Carlos Quintero)

* “I get to work, and I would tell them good news first and bad news second.” (Andres Tomas)

* “I get my briefcase and go to a meeting. Then I go to McDonald’s.” (Kerry Spearman)

* “I would check if my family is OK, if my friends are OK and if the United States are OK.” (Adriana Barajas)

And this from third-grader Taturs Mayberry, who, like many elected to office, is already thinking ahead to a second term: “I eat breakfast. I have an election at 10. I look to my volunteers to help me.”

For your Call-Off-the-SWAT-Team File: The Laguna News-Post reported that “a resident near Laguna Beach High School called police and said he heard screaming that sounded like someone was being killed.” Police responded, and the resident thanked officers for getting the water polo players to quiet down and stop using their air horn.

miscelLAny: I heard a promo from Oscar emcee Billy Crystal warning that Sunday’s ceremonies literally could last from February to March.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATimes, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012, and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.