So Embarrassing, Even Lasorda Is Speechless

Stopped by the Dodgers’ workout Monday morning to laugh at them. Might as well do my part to get them ready for the regular season.

No sign of the Micro Manager for the team’s second preseason workout. I would imagine after he got his first look at the guys, he took off running.

The Dodgers said Jim Tracy was in Ohio, which tells you just how much ground the guy covered after he took off running.

The Dodgers insisted he had a previous engagement. If I’m not mistaken the Dodgers also led us to believe they were interested in acquiring Richie Sexson, Derrek Lee, Nomar Garciaparra, Magglio Ordonez, Todd Walker and, most recently Vladimir Guerrero, so I won’t be surprised when we learn Tracy has now declared himself a marathon runner.

Trust the Dodgers? I called up the Dodgers’ website, and one hour before the Angels’ scheduled news conference to announce the signing of Guerrero, the site, under “Dodgers Coverage,” was still running a story about unconfirmed “reports the club was making a stealth run at free agent outfielder Vladimir Guerrero.” So secret, I guess, they never got around to telling Guerrero.

Later they updated the site and responded to the Angels’ move with this blockbuster Dodger announcement: “Ishii Brings Friends To Workout.”

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I BUMPED into Tom Lasorda. I asked him what he had to say about the latest turn of events that had the Angels signing Guerrero, and the Dodgers standing pat and looking inept.

“I don’t know what to say,” Lasorda said in what just might be the most telling thing he has ever had to say.

I asked him if he was embarrassed. I asked him if there was any hope for improvement. I asked him, what do the Dodgers do now? In return, I received silence, and while some people might consider that a beautiful thing, it’s a bad sign when the Dodgers have even run out of blarney.

I sought a second opinion. I asked someone from the team if “the little guy” would be at the workout. He looked at me as if he didn’t know who I was talking about. I said, “Let me help you, you know, the buffoon.” That cleared things up.

“Dan Evans is here,” he said, “but he doesn’t always come to the workouts.”

Bad sign when the manager and the general manager of the Dodgers have no interest in watching their own players -- makes you wonder why anyone should buy a ticket.

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GOOD NEWS. I did spot Jeff Weaver, the Yankee pitcher who everyone thought so little of in New York, who is now the newest Dodger. He was carrying a bat. Right now he’s projected to bat cleanup behind Shawn Green.

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I ALSO noticed someone swinging the bat and hitting the ball during practice. He was wearing No. 9. I knew it couldn’t be Todd Hundley, because as I said, he was hitting the ball. A team spokesman said it was minor leaguer Jason Repko.

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NOW AS I understand it, the Dodgers were able to sign Bubba Trammell because he had a problem with depression last season and couldn’t play for the Yankees. It’s just me, but I wonder if he’s come to the right place.

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DODGER HISTORY apparently stopped in 1999. To get to the field Monday, I took the walk down the hallway leading to the Dugout Club. On the wall to the left is a timeline of Dodger history, beginning in 1890 and leading to this 1999 notation: “Oct. 28 -- Bob Daly purchases minority interest in the Dodger franchise, becoming chairman and CEO to lead the Dodgers into the next century.”

From that point on -- the wall is blank, an indication, I guess, of all the wonderful things Daly has done in leading the Dodgers into the next century.

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ONCE PARKING lot attendant Frank McCourt is approved as Dodger owner, I hear his first order of business will be to ask Angel owner Arte Moreno for a loan.

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LARRY WOODARD was one of several people to e-mail: “I never thought the day would come that I would be truly embarrassed to be a Dodger fan.... My co-workers, who happen to be Angel fans, don’t even have it in them to make fun of me anymore. I only wish Mr. Evans would have come clean and just admitted he had no authority at all. It would have been easier to accept instead of the constant lies we’ve been fed. The thought of going into next season with this team is truly disgusting....”

Don’t worry, I think your Angel-loving co-workers will rally and begin making fun of you again.

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FINALLY, PROOF positive that Phil Jackson isn’t always awake while sitting there stone-faced on the bench. Everyone else in the building could tell Kobe Bryant was playing one-armed against Cleveland, and I don’t know about you, but I might have taken him out of the game -- before he attempted that 18-foot jumper left-handed.

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A CROWD of celebrities, including Denzel Washington and Donald Trump, who apparently can’t afford to get a haircut, came to watch Kobe go head to head with LeBron James-- who, by the way, stands almost a head taller.

It was no contest with James dominating, and then the excitement left the building after the injury to Bryant.

Then the refs, who don’t understand the value of entertainment, tagged James with three first-half fouls to send him to the bench early.

That left Zydrunas Ilgauskas going one on one at times with Jamal Sampson. You had to be there -- and I would have gladly given you my spot.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in a telephone message, which I received upon my return from vacation:

“T.J. Slimers. Why don’t you print that? T.J. Slimers.”

Some people are so easy to please.

T.J. Slimers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.