No Deficit of Taxing Ideas for Big Boy

I’m sure I speak for Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger when I say thanks to a couple hundred readers who sent me their ideas for balancing the state budget.

The proposals could come in handy, particularly given a new poll showing only 35% support for the governor’s $15-billion borrowing scheme, which will be on the March ballot.

Schwarzenegger is on the road now, trying to sell the very kind of borrowing he slammed Gray Davis for, and I’ve got a dilemma:

Do I join that parade? Or do I climb aboard the Caravan of Love -- a Neverland-bound motorcade for fans of Michael Jackson, who was scheduled to be arraigned today on child molestation charges?

I think Arnold may need our help even more than Michael does. In another sign of budget-balancing trouble ahead, Indian gaming officials scolded Schwarzenegger this week, saying he’s going to be ducking tomahawks if he tries to grab a big chunk of their winnings.

I’m actually rooting for the Terminator on that one, but more on that at a later date. Let’s get to the mailbag.

“Arnold could sell a nude calendar of himself,” wrote Victor Takayama of Reseda.

Nobody ever said that about Gray Davis.

“Why not sell advertising space on the Caltrans Amber Alert signs when they’re not being used for child abductions?” asks James E. Appleby of Corona.

Anthony Combs of Tujunga was on the same wavelength.

“I’ve always thought that we should sell advertising on all state employees,” he wrote. “You know, dress them up like NASCAR drivers

Why not? Legislators have been for sale for years.

“Get rid of PE classes,” suggested Joe Wachter of Laguna Hills, “unless someone can prove that at least one fat kid lost weight due to a PE class.”

I prefer the “Fat Tax” idea from Michael Bruner of Fullerton.

“The current epidemic of obesity in this country is tipping the scales, so to speak, of health-care costs,” driving up premiums for all of us, said Bruner. He would have a one-time fat tax of $2 per pound on every California resident.

Mike Crichton, a retired cop from Riverside, was one of several readers who suggested legalizing and taxing prostitution. He also wants to tax people who bring too much carry-on luggage aboard planes and take forever to put it in the overhead compartment.

Kris Lockard of Palm Desert was one of several readers who suggested taxing boob jobs, an idea they might have lifted from porn star Mary Carey’s gubernatorial campaign.

If the Indians have their own nation, said Dan J. Peterson, charge gamblers $20 to reenter the United States after leaving a reservation casino.

Raise the annual $10 registration fee on boats, said Sylvia Bergthold.

Horrible idea, Sylvia, and I’m not just saying that because I co-own a boat.

“Charge columnists for space to write about nonsense like your column,” wrote James Sweeney.

Hey, wait a minute.

“I’ve got an idea,” said an unsigned e-mail. “Why not have everyone whose name ends in a Z move back to Mexico?”

How about a flat tax on morons?

Tax Internet sales, said Dr. Murray Grossman. Have pay-as-you-go police and fire services, said UCLA history professor Michael Salman.

Syd of Los Angeles squawked about the property tax inequities that penalize new home buyers. We should take all those folks who pay peanuts under Proposition 13, Syd said, and whack them with a luxury tax every time they go on a cruise or buy a Winnebago.

“I would appreciate if you would refrain from mentioning my name,” said Syd, “as I have friends and acquaintances who would boil me in oil for the foregoing comments!!!”

Sonia Appell suggested repealing Prop. 13 benefits for interlopers like Warren Buffett, who don’t live in California full time. And Rich Varenchik of Santa Clarita would impose a Job Flee Fee for companies that export jobs out of state.

Several readers rang the bell for a Jerry Lewis-style telethon to retire the deficit, or a “Californiathon!” as Kevin De Angelis called it.

“Arnold will be one of the hosts,” said Joyce Thompson, “and will set the tone by kicking in the first donation -- $100,000 or $500,000 -- whatever he feels he can afford.”

If Schwarzenegger doesn’t like any of these ideas, there’s another way out of this mess.

I know Big Boy breaks out in hives at the mention of tax hikes, but that’s exactly what his mentor (Pete Wilson) and his hero (Ronald Reagan) did when they were in similar jams. About two dozen readers backed a tax proposal by two professors -- John Bachar of Cal State Long Beach and Paul O’Lague of UCLA -- that would wipe out the budget gap and be entirely painless for 97.3% of Californians.

The professors suggested raising $13 billion a year by hiking the income tax between 0.5% and 7% on the wealthiest 2.7% of residents. Several readers liked this idea so much, they volunteered to start gathering signatures to get the proposal on the ballot, so stay tuned to this spot for future updates.

Meanwhile, T.R. Black of Tustin had a thought worth sharing. Black suggested Schwarzenegger take advantage of his widely reported appetite for good times, and produce a video series called “Governors Gone Wild.”

We may not need to borrow that $15 billion, after all.

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Steve Lopez writes Sunday, Wednesday and Friday. Reach him at steve.lopez@latimes.com.