One Star Is Named After the Love of Your Life; the Rest Will Orbit Your Head

I love those radio commercials for something called the Star Registry, which recommends that you name a star in the cosmos after your sweetie as a Valentine’s Day gift. Cost: $54. In the spot I heard, a young lady is instructed to open a package and then exclaims, “Oh, wow! You named a star after me?” More likely I think the giver would be seeing stars after being socked by his disappointed love.

Speaking of violence: Jolene Collins noticed that a guarantee for a dinghy did not cover several types of wild creatures (see accompanying).

Which reminds me: Kim Airs of L.A. wrote, “I could see renting a place with a brand new carpet -- but not with the pre-teen that comes with it” (see accompanying).

Transcontinental detour? Bruce Hendrick of Brea found what he called “the longest street closure in the country” (see photo).

And our ‘Duh!’ award winner: C.E. Maddy of Huntington Beach observed that some schools are really getting particular about whom they hire to teach foreign language courses (see accompanying).

Gorilla with a maiden name: The $1.5-billion bequest from the late Joan Kroc to the Salvation Army has San Diegans trading stories about Kroc’s philanthropy and free-spirited personality. Here are a few collected by my colleague Tony Perry:

* Although she donated millions to the San Diego Zoo, Kroc turned down offers to have her name attached to a facility there. She did consent to have a gorilla named after her, but only in a way that would maintain her anonymity. It was christened Mansfield, her maiden name.

* After a monsignor who directed a shelter for the homeless responded to her request that he bless her new jet, he received a check for $500,000.

* On a night honoring Kroc at the San Diego Opera, she arrived to find her seat taken through a mix-up and stalked out. Opera General Manager Ian Campbell hunted her down in the ladies’ lounge in the lobby and talked with her for an hour. Later that night, she phoned Campbell and announced she was donating $1 million to the opera.

“I told her any time she wanted to come to the opera and sit in the ladies’ lounge, she was welcome,” Campbell said.

miscelLAny: When Randy Huston of L.A. told me about a notice he saw for a “sci-fi action script” on a bulletin board at the Glen-Rock Car Wash, I said a soap opera would be more appropriate.

Dan Wickerd counters: “The Sci-Fi Channel might go for it.” He sees it as “Invasion of the Car Snatchers,” with this plot: “Cars come out of a car wash horribly changed -- they won’t go above the speed limit, won’t tailgate, won’t run stop signs, won’t turn without a signal and ... worst of all ... drivers’ cellphones won’t work while the cars are moving.” A terrifying scenario for any Southern California driver.

Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATimes, Ext. 77083.