Some Expert Witnesses May Draw Heavily From Personal Experience

Court reporter Ira Newlander heard an expert in an entertainment industry case offer this first-hand testimony on the subject of cancellations of performances:

Expert: There was one show where the airplane caught fire, and so they couldn’t make it.

First attorney: That’s a good reason.

Expert: Yes.

First attorney: How were you notified of that?

Expert: I was on the plane.

Second attorney: It’s called instant notification.

First attorney: Glad you’re here with us.

Expert: Still haven’t gotten over it.

Bad connection: “In an effort to rein in my daughter’s cellphone bill,” said Richard Lorentz, “I visited the ATT website and found the following useful information about text messages” (see accompanying).

Lorentz concluded that, inasmuch as ATT encourages kids to conspire against their parents, perhaps his “next message should be T2SC (time to switch carriers). Or would that be GBATT (goodbye, current carrier)?”

More kids’ stuff: After reading the directive issued at Hamilton High, Gail Heinrich wondered if there were a lot of middle-aged students in school these days (see accompanying). Anyway, people with mid-drifts -- such as myself -- generally don’t need to be told to keep them covered.

Unrelated item! Despite what it seemed to say, the menu listing contributed by Carol Levine actually referred to baby back ribs (see accompanying).

Choose your weapons: The crime log of the Saddleback Valley News said that a Lake Forest resident declared she “was going to hit her neighbor with a broom because he was aiming his leaf blower at her.”

Mondegreen review: Several readers have asked me about the origin of this term for misheard lyrics. It is said to have been invented about half a century ago by a writer who heard a folk song she thought contained the words, “They had slain the Earl of Moray / And Lady Mondegreen.” Only later did she learn that the actual lyric was: “They had slain the Earl of Moray / And laid him on the green.” (I’m still investigating the fate of the earl’s lady.)

Mondegreen of the day: OK, back to the wacky versifying. “In the song ‘Joy to the World,’ one line goes, ‘Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea, Joy to you and me,’ ” wrote Alice Liedahl. “Our youngest daughter’s version was ‘Joy to USC.’ ” Added Liedahl: “We have UCLA grads in our family, so I don’t know why she chose USC.” As a USC grad, all I can say is, who could blame the kid?

miscelLAny: The ad for MGM’s “Walking Tall,” about a sheriff who keeps law and order with his trusty wooden club, says: “Inspired by a True Story.” Of course, what the studio doesn’t say is that “Walking Tall” also was inspired by the original 1973 version of the movie, starring Joe Don Baker. Inspired by its box office success, to be exact.

Reach Steve Harvey at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012 or e-mail steve.harvey@latimes.com.