It Seems That the Red Sox Have the Angels’ Number

It’s starting to look like there’s no scenario that leads to the Angels beating the Boston Red Sox.

They couldn’t find a way Wednesday night, not even when their best hitter delivered. Not when their main pitcher regained his form, finding his way in a game that served as a neat little summary of his season. Not even when the game turned into a bullpen battle, the one matchup universally conceded to the Angels before this series.

All of the above took place in Game 2, and the Angels still lost to the Red Sox, 8-3, to drop to the brink of elimination in this best-of-five division series.

No, not even the power of the Rally Monkey can help them now.

The Red Sox have a built-in immunity to him. The Rally Monkey’s theme song, “Jump Around,” is by House of Pain. They’re from Boston. You don’t see the Red Sox trying to scare the New York Yankees with Jay-Z, do you?

Bartolo Colon returned to some of his early-season struggles in the first two innings. He faced 13 batters and threw 55 pitches before setting down nine straight Red Sox in the third through fifth. But all those early pitches caught up to him in the sixth, when he gave up a two-run homer to Jason Varitek on pitch No. 110.

Colon was lucky to get out of the second inning with only one run against him after four consecutive Red Sox reached base with two out.

But Mark Bellhorn, perhaps lulled by the interminable pace of the game, got caught sleepwalking off second base. Catcher Jose Molina alertly threw to David Eckstein who was standing behind the bag. Bellhorn stumbled on his way back and was tagged easily for the final out.

This game just dragged along, not helped in any way by the airlock-tight strike zone called by plate umpire Jerry Meals.

We needed some more entertainment. It made me miss the late comedian Rodney Dangerfield even more. Yes, the sports world shares the loss, thanks to his memorable roles in “Caddyshack” and those jock-filled beer commercials. Whenever a sacrifice fly, a free throw or a chip-shot field goal can secure a victory, I still think of the line from the Miller Lite bowling tournament: “All we need is one pin, Rodney.”

When Vladimir Guerrero came to the plate with the bases loaded in the fifth, it just felt like it was time.

Time for “The Tonight Show?” Not quite, even as much as this game was dragging.

No, it was time for Guerrero to make his mark on this series.

He had waited through 7 1/2 major league seasons to get his first taste of the playoffs. Was there any doubt he was going to swing at the first pitch he saw in Game 1 on Tuesday? After Guerrero rushed his way through an 0-for-5 afternoon that included two strikeouts, his impatience at the plate came up in Mike Scioscia’s pregame meeting with reporters.

“You know, I think that Vlade shows maybe a little more discipline than people give him credit for, as far as getting into hitter’s counts,” Scioscia said.

Uh, does 0-and-0 qualify as a hitter’s count?

Guerrero did exhibit more patience Wednesday night. When Pedro Martinez tried to follow the same pattern as Curt Schilling -- keep the ball as far away from the strike zone as possible -- Guerrero drew a first-inning walk.

In his second at-bat he hit a blast to center field, but it couldn’t carry far enough through the thick night air and landed in Johnny Damon’s glove.

Before Guerrero came to the plate in the fifth, Molina and Eckstein had singled and Darin Erstad was hit by a pitch.

Guerrero sat back on a high 95-mph fastball that whizzed in for ball one. Then he roped the second pitch into right field, driving in two runs to give the Angels a 3-1 lead. So much for the return of the MVP.

But the mini-MVP was nowhere to be found.

Oh, there was a guy in an Angel uniform wearing No. 9, but there’s no way that was Chone Figgins. Figgins kept finding ways to help the Angels all season. This guy keeps finding ways to let them lose. The impostor botched a throw to the plate in Game 1 that led to four unearned runs.

In Game 2, this alleged Figgins popped out on a bunt with runners on first and second in the fifth inning. In the top of the seventh he bobbled a grounder by Bill Mueller that was generously ruled an infield single. Then he was slow to get the ball out of his glove and bounced a throw to first on a potential double play from a grounder by Damon. The extra baserunner came back to haunt the Angels when Damon worked his way to third on a steal and a wild pitch, then scored the go-ahead run on a sacrifice fly by Manny Ramirez, all against Francisco Rodriguez.

Octobers are supposed to be filled with angst for the Red Sox and their followers. But they think this one’s different. The Sox even spent some time in the clubhouse before the game talking about what it would be like if they finally end the curse, and how they’d never have to buy a drink in New England again.

They’re a step closer to being a step closer.

All they need is one win, Rodney.

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J.A. Adande can be reached at j.a.adande@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Adande, go to latimes.com/adande.