With the Heat Turned Up, Some Begin to Sweat It

Walking the Dogs all the way to the finish line....

I feel just fine, but I’ve noticed temperatures rising in the Angels’ and Dodgers’ clubhouses recently, and I wonder now whether this is what playoff fever does to people. If so, I’m not sure I want to catch it.

Last week, Jose Guillen was yelling and promising he’d never talk to me again, and well, I think there’s a pretty good chance he’ll keep his word.

(The Los Alamitos Race Course is giving away two Angel season tickets for 2005 on Saturday night, and if Guillen hopes to return to Angel Stadium, his best chance might be filling out an entry form.)

Now I don’t know what it is about Mondays, but one week to the day of Guillen’s tantrum, the same thing happened in the Dodger clubhouse, only this time it was Jose Lima shouting, “I’m done with you. This is the last time we’re going to talk.”

For a guy who didn’t want to talk anymore, Lima never shut up, and repeatedly suggested that I should kiss his behind, and honestly, I have only myself to blame for that. You see, I wrote something nice on Page 2, and you do that, and everyone wants you to gush about them.

“Did you see where he went soft on Milton Bradley in his column?” Steve Finley told Lima, while interrupting Lima’s tirade.

“Yeah, but he didn’t write about me,” Lima said, and there might not be any “i” in team, but there sure is in “Lima.”

*

THERE WAS no shutting up Lima. “You know what you wrote about me the other day,” Lima shouted. “You know. You know. You said I was lucky to win 13 games this year.”

I corrected him. “I didn’t write you were lucky to win 13 games. I wrote that it was a miracle you won 13 games.”

Lima offered me his glove and told me to try to win 13 games, and although I’d fit right in this rotation, I’m used to working more than once every five days.

“Don’t you ever come to my locker again,” Lima said, and now I wonder whether life is worth living anymore.

I reminded Lima that he has told me at least a dozen times “that win or lose, I’ll never change. I’ll always be the same.”

I guess you can’t believe everything he says.

“We don’t want you in here,” Lima snapped, and if they left it up to pro athletes, no one would be allowed in the clubhouse unless they promised to write only glowing reports. “I don’t know why they let you in here.”

Because I’m such a Dodger fan, of course.

*

AFTER MONDAY’S showing, Edwin Jackson looks as if he can be counted on in the playoffs -- to remain in the bullpen.

*

I’VE NEVER thought it worth the time to listen to anything Angel General Manager Bill Stoneman has to say, because he never has anything of substance to say. He confirmed this when he suggested the Angels were not sending a message to Guillen.

Are we supposed to believe that Stoneman and Manager Mike Scioscia were just sitting around when one of them said, “Hey, I’ve got an idea: Let’s suspend Guillen for yuks.”

Maybe Guillen took a swing at Scioscia or told Stoneman, “You’re no DePodesta,” because if the Angels suspended him for being a perpetual head case or because other players were tired of his act, they are all hypocrites.

I know there are a lot of people tired of pro athletes who are praising the team for taking a tough stance and putting a spoiled athlete in his place, but the Angels signed Guillen, and cheaply by today’s standards, because he was a head case.

How do you justify suspending a guy for the rest of the season for pulling just the kind of stunt you’d expect from a head case? How do you justify suspending a guy for a series of problems when you knew all along that’s what you were going to get?

So he must have done something really outlandish that we have not been told about, or it’s the Angels’ over-the-top behavior that deserves to be challenged.

*

THE MICRO MANAGER delivered his 15th or 16th “I told you so” speech, taking credit again for every move that has worked in the Dodgers’ favor the last four years, and never once mentioned William Hung.

It’s generally accepted that Hung did more for the Dodgers earlier this season than the Micro Manager, who believed Jackson would be the team’s fifth starter.

In fact, the players invited Hung to join them a few months back but were told by Hung’s father they’d have to pay the kid. The players knew better than to ask the Boston Parking Lot Attendant for something he didn’t have, so they dropped Hung as their inspirational leader.

“He could have stretched that 15 minutes of fame into an hour,” Shawn Green said.

A bank sponsored Hung’s visit to Dodger Stadium to throw out the ceremonial first pitch Monday for Chinese American Community Night. For some reason the Dodgers did not ask him to sing the national anthem.

*

THE MICRO MANAGER said the Dodgers’ stellar defense “has saved” countless runs from being scored this season, and I couldn’t help myself.

“Just imagine how bad your starting pitching would be” if the Dodgers weren’t so good on defense. Fortunately, the Micro Manager didn’t go Lima on me.

*

TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from D. Boyd:

“Dude, read your Monday morning column. Did I misunderstand, or do you half-way compliment Milton Bradley? Who are you and what did you do with our Page 2 columnist?”

There’s no telling what happens to a column after the editors get ahold of it.

T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.