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Oddities from the nation’s online attic

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Buyers, have I got a bridge for you! Cheap! No? Well, then, how about a doorbell fashioned from a deer’s rear end? Come on! You know you’ll love it.

As ever, there’s no end to the silly items to be found on EBay, and you can credit two enterprising San Francisco-based Web designers, Drue Miller and Shauna Wright, for cruising the listings and posting them on their hilarious website whowouldbuythat.com.

Miller, an inveterate EBay shopper who grew up in Pittsburgh, collects “bad clown art” and has early memories of such decorative masterpieces as a lampshade with a Three Mile Island silo motif.

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“I was e-mailing friends these various items up for auction and they suggested that I start my own website.” Whowouldbuythat.com began in 2000 and has been the most consistent site among several exhibiting absurd EBay offerings.

“Taste is such a subjective thing,” says Miller characteristically tongue-in-cheek. She does most of the postings and accepts submissions from outside, all of which form a vivid gallery of kitsch.

Some recent examples include a porcelain dog lamp that terrifies when lighted (“Susie’s parents were determined to help her get over her fear of the dark; unfortunately, their solution created a whole new set of problems”), a complete toilet from the ‘70s Salyut spacecraft (“Remodeling your bathroom? Give the room a ... Space Age feel with [this] fixture”), and a Toyota MR2 powered by two turbine engines that will leave your neighbors deaf and praying for salvation.

Miller has seen some evolution in online auctions over the last few years.

“I think EBay has changed in a number of ways. The range of items has increased and, in some cases, affected the value of certain markets. Comic books, for example. Lots of new things are coming to market.”

The one-of-a-kind market has also received a kick-start from the online marketplace, where shoppers can find bastardized Barbie dolls and painted children’s clothing, some items quite exquisite and some more like remnants from the garage sale from hell.

Perhaps the most egregious development, according to Miller, is the rise of auctions for the sole purpose of advertisement or self-publicity. “Please inscribe my right breast with the name of your product,” etc. She steers clear of posting such things, choosing instead the jaw-dropping guffaw variety -- skin staples from a post-surgery leg and, yes, the deer’s-rear doorbell.

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-- CASEY DOLAN

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