The facts of life for clueless dads

There is probably not a more feckless creature in the family forest than the prospective dad. Since the moment of conception, his role seems to be that of concerned bystander. His skills are none. His biology, largely useless. His parental instincts? They may not kick in till the new baby first swings a toy baseball bat in three years.

Indeed, the new father and the new baby are not all that different. Everything they do seems to scream, “Help me!”

Scott Mactavish recognizes the new father’s aching need for good advice. And, as we all know, there is no greater gift than simple directions to a complicated problem.

Mactavish’s survival guide covers a timeline that begins just before birth and runs through the first three months of the new baby’s life. Much of the book is in “buddy speak,” that dialect men fall into when no women are around.

“So you’re going to be a dad,” Mactavish writes at the outset. “Take it from me, there’s nothing like it, bro. Nothing.”

Now that we’ve established that, we move on to delivery room prep. In “Drugs and Stuff,” the author urges new dads to “ask about epidurals and analgesics and the pros and cons associated with each.”

Well, yeah. It would be far more compelling to hear more on what an epidural actually does to a mother and baby. Whether to use drugs during childbirth is one of the major issues prospective parents face. It deserves more than a chatty 150 words.

Mactavish’s nonmedical advice is far more relevant. In a chapter dubbed “Read Now, Rejoice Later,” he encourages new fathers to speak or read to the baby in the womb during the final months of pregnancy: “You can read anything; he doesn’t care -- as long as he hears your voice, he’s happy.”

It’s in areas like this where Mactavish does best. Where he fails is in too many recitations like the following: “Be advised that labor could take a while and you may spend the better part of the next couple of days wringing your hands, pacing the floor and being utterly confused by your [wife].”

Very much like a new father, “The New Dad’s Survival Guide” casts about with mixed success. It’s not as insightful as you might hope. Nor is it as funny as it seems to want to be, with its military-mission motif. Yet, its easy style is as comfortable as a hammock on a summer’s day. The first-time father, in need of real basics, could do far worse than spend a few relaxing hours with it. *