Hollywood’s Idea of Hell: Messy Freeway, No Traffic Helicopter
In the theological potboiler “Constantine,” the hero (Keanu Reeves) travels back and forth between Earth, heaven and hell. And how is the devil’s domain represented in the movie? It’s a mass of flamed-out cars on the Hollywood Freeway. And not a single traffic helicopter in sight.
And you complain about panhandlers.
Constantine (cont.): Reeves’ character, apparently because of his ability to visit other worlds, is open to dangers here that others don’t face in L.A.
At one point, he notes, “A demon just attacked me outside on Figueroa.”
Moving on to more down-to-earth problems: At a Fairfax district flea market, Mary Sue Owen spotted a trio of dueling signs that might prove distressing to a shopper who had felt the call of nature (see photo).
Food for thought: On a visit to Cabo San Lucas, Abe Feinberg of Northridge chanced upon a hybrid shop where you can pick up some lox and tortillas (see photo).
Ken, you’ll have to stay in the waiting room: If Barbie ever breaks her arm in the Arcadia area, Marlene Colley found just the spot to take her for treatment, according to the local Yellow Book directory (see accompanying).
Boys, boys, boys! The crime log of the Beach Reporter said that officers responding to a report of a disturbance in a Redondo Beach hotel went to “the second, fourth and fifth floors of the hotel, clearing the hallways and asking the occupants to stay in their assigned rooms.” The newspaper said: “The hotel had hosted rugby athletes from 16 different countries playing in an international rugby tournament at the Home Depot Stadium in Carson. [It] was the last day of the tournament and its associated activities.... “
Say no more.
Names that fit: Jon Longworth of North Hollywood saw a television interview with the president of Profit Investment Management: Eugene Profit.
L.A. Insult of the Week: Baseball season is almost here and, cold as the weather is, folks in the Bay Area are heating up the Giant-Dodger rivalry. The San Francisco Chronicle carried a sighting of a bumper sticker that read, “Osama bin Laden is a Dodger Fan -- Go Giants.” They have some sense of humor, those Friscans.
miscelLAny: I heard a radio report that said the TV networks hadn’t been overly distressed by the National Hockey League shutdown because another sport had caught the fancy of viewers: poker. Which gives me an idea. Maybe the NHL should convert to the NPL -- the National Poker League.
One local hockey franchise already has a name that card-players would appreciate: the L.A. Kings.
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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012, and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.