Bliss and misses

By Mary McNamara

July 15, 2005 12 AM PT

Times Staff Writer

When American culture is reduced to ashes, cockroaches and DVDs, those left to make sense of it all will watch our films and ask themselves the following questions:

* How could we have so accurately predicted the end of the world as we know it, and then not force Bruce Willis to actually prevent it?

* Why were the female of the species so often expected to escape danger wearing only a negligee?

* And what was this strange and deeply flawed ritual, The Wedding?

Because in the nomenclature of Hollywood, a wedding is never just a wedding; it’s always so much more. If Jane Austen were alive today she would have a nervous breakdown, and not just because she couldn’t get Emma Thompson’s and Colin Firth’s publicists to return her calls. Far from being the ultimate, and predictable, happy ending, the wedding has evolved into the ultimate postmodern plot device, like the cranky in-law who is forced to move in with his distant family.

In “Wedding Crashers,” we have the underlying theme of Wedding as Aphrodisiac, and a plot -- two guys crash weddings in the seemingly valid belief that single women at a wedding will sleep with anyone -- that allows director David Dobkin to create, in the first quarter of the movie, an overlong montage of cultural variations on the event, a sort of Ellis Island of weddings.

The joke is that all weddings are made up of the same predictable elements -- the adorable flower girls, the elderly aunts, the bad playlist, the drunken brothers-in-law and, of course, those desperate single women -- that two guys, played by Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn, can manipulate to their advantage.

“Wedding Crashers” may or may not be the hot summer romantic comedy New Line wants it to be, but it is a fine contribution to a growing oeuvre of wedding splatter.

Blame it on “The Philadelphia Story,” or “The Graduate,” blame it on “Father of the Bride” or “Four Weddings and a Funeral,” but weddings, particularly big weddings, do not fare well in modern movies. When Quentin Tarantino can commence a two-picture bloodbath with Uma Thurman being left, as in for dead, at the altar, then you know there has been a shift in society’s view of conjugal tradition.

Wedding flicks come in many guises. Pick your own colors:

Battlefield Wedding: The wedding itself propels the plot. Seen through the eyes of a reluctant participant (usually the bride’s father), the planning and carrying out of the ceremony and its tangential dinners and receptions becomes a living nightmare. “Father of the Bride” (original and remake), “Monsoon Wedding,” “Muriel’s Wedding,” “The Wedding Banquet,” “American Wedding.”

Stop That Wedding, Subsets I and II: Action focuses on a character’s attempt to prevent the exchange of vows.

In Subset I, otherwise known as “Tracy, you can’t marry that guy,” the marriage prevention is a Good Thing, for reasons overt (vows are being forced or coerced, see “Princess Bride” “Shrek”) or subtle (bride or groom truly loves another and only sees the light during the actual ceremony -- “The Graduate,” “The Philadelphia Story,” “Sweet Home Alabama,” “Runaway Bride”). In Subset II, malignant or misguided outside force threatens lovers’ plans (“Monster-in-Law,” “My Big Fat Greek Wedding,” “My Best Friend’s Wedding.”)

Although most weddings that need to be stopped are, not all have happy endings (see “Shakespeare in Love”). And occasionally weddings that should occur are prevented (“Jane Eyre”), though the superfluous spouses tend to die quickly enough for hero and heroine to reunite while still in child-bearing years.

Wedding as Ironic Foreshadowing of Truly Terrible Things: There’s nothing quite as effective as the sight of little flower girls and a pretty woman behind a veil accompanied by a really ominous score to set up scenes of violence (“The Godfather”) and war (“The Deer Hunter.”)

Wedding as Scene of or Juxtaposition to Truly Terrible Things. Cascades of blood on bridal white (“Kill Bill Vol. I”) or the image of the groom being shot while the bride tries on her finery (“Michael Collins”) will always get everyone’s attention. In the “In-Laws” remake, there is much shooting and an explosion resulting in a small tidal wave that soaks all the guests, but it’s supposed to be funny. So maybe it doesn’t belong here.

Wedding as Ironic Backdrop to Not So Terrible Things: Have your main character work in the wedding industry and being single suddenly takes on a new (and, at least in the screenwriter’s mind, hilarious) dimension (“The Wedding Planner,” “The Wedding Singer”). Or the character can just be invited to an inexplicable rash of weddings to achieve this (“Four Weddings and a Funeral”). Added benefit: chance to trash, on screen, every wedding you have ever attended in alleged pursuit of “accuracy.”

Wedding as Catalyst or Setting for Unexpected Sexual Encounters/Romantic Pursuits: Probably where “Wedding Crashers” falls, this covers myriad plot developments. In “Love Actually,” a wedding reveals infidelity (of the wife of the character played by Firth) and obsession (of the best man with the bride.) In “Meet the Fockers,” Jack and Dina (Robert De Niro and Blythe Danner) finally get it on during the “climactic” wedding reception. And who can forget the oral sex scene from “Private Benjamin’s” wedding?

Wedding as Excuse for Just Plain Really Weird Story Idea: Perhaps the oddest use of a wedding in cinematic history occurs in “Prelude to a Kiss,” when a woman (Meg Ryan) who is ambivalent about life and marriage kisses her groom (Alec Baldwin) and through plot contrivances beyond all comprehension swaps bodies with an elderly man passing by. Who Baldwin must then find and kiss, with passion, to undo the spell. A must-see for any potential bride and groom -- something inevitably goes wrong at every wedding, but at least you can be sure this won’t be it.

(BEGIN TEXT OF INFOBOX)Memorable wedding movies

“Along Came Polly”

“American Wedding”

“Best Friends”

“Father of the Bride”

“It Happened One Night”

“Libeled Lady”

“Meet the Fockers”

“Meet the Parents”

“Runaway Bride”

“June Bride”

“The Philadelphia Story”