Washington, we have a problem

Government scientists were busily scrutinizing videotape of Vice President Dick Cheney today after debris appeared to fall off him during a speech to a business group in Lansing, Mich.

Although the speech appeared to go smoothly, only later did scientists notice that debris from Cheney appeared to fall from him as he wrapped up his address.

“We are examining the tape to determine the nature of the debris that fell from the vice president’s surface,” said scientist Kirk Belsher. “Hopefully these are nonessential parts of Dick Cheney that will have no significant impact on the rest of his mission.”

Even as scientists studied the tape of Cheney’s mysterious debris, news that parts of the vice president had disintegrated during a routine speech raised fresh concerns about the fitness of the nation’s second most powerful man.

“Dick Cheney is usually stored in a secure, undisclosed location that is kept at a constant temperature of 40 degrees Fahrenheit,” said Dr. Ivan Loker of the University of Minnesota, who studies the nation’s aging fleet of vice presidents and Cabinet members. “Every time they wheel him out into the atmosphere for a new mission, we all hold our breath.”

For his part, Belsher remained optimistic that the falling debris would turn out to be a false alarm: “The good news is, when debris falls off Dick Cheney, there’s still plenty of Dick Cheney left.”