Bus driver Kramden goes for a joyless ride

Hey, kids! Remember Ralph Kramden? The cranky bus driver who was forever threatening to punch his wife, Alice, in the face? You know, Jackie Gleason! Audrey Meadows!

OK, forget it. “The Honeymooners” stars Cedric the Entertainer as the aforementioned cranky bus driver, only now there’s no threat of domestic violence save for forever threatening his wife’s savings account with his get-rich-quick schemes.

Alice is played by the gorgeously dimpled Gabrielle Union, whose job in a diner -- where she works with Ralph’s buddy Ed’s (Mike Epps) minxy wife, Trixie (Regina Hall) -- keeps her looking sharp, acting sassy and dreaming of buying a gorgeous Victorian duplex before it gets flattened for condos by a smarmy real estate developer (Eric Stoltz).

The duplex belongs to a kindly old British lady retiring to Florida, though not before getting in saucy lines like “What’s your poison? Gambling? Drink? ‘Ho’s?” Whoo! Raise the roof, Grandma!

While Alice hits up her mother, Ralph and Ed try break dancing in the park, buying a Pullman car stuck in a sewer tunnel and racing a greyhound they found in a dumpster. John Leguizamo steals the show as its sleazy trainer -- not that there’s much to steal from John Schultz’s joylessly schematic paycheck.

Still, a $20,000 down payment buys a duplex in Brooklyn? I’m moving to New York!

*

‘Honeymooners’

MPAA rating: PG-13 for some innuendo and rude humor.

Times guidelines: Crude remarks involving various bodily functions.

A Paramount release. Director John Schultz. Producers David T. Friendly, Marc Turtletaub, Eric C. Rhone, Julie Durk. Based on characters from the CBS-TV series. Screenplay Danny Jacobson, David Scheffield & Barry W. Blaustein, Don Rhymer. Cinematographer Shawn Maurer. Editor John Pace. Production designer Charles Wood.

Running time: 1 hour, 30 minutes. In general release.

-- Carina Chocano