Don’t Count on Dodgers to Manage Situation Properly

The temptation here is to call for volunteers to picket Dodger Stadium, asking fans to carry signs proclaiming

“Hershiser for Manager,” hoping the Boston people inside might have at least heard of him.

So far the voice mail and e-mails are almost unanimous, and Orel Hershiser it is -- as long as Mike Scioscia cannot be convinced to leave the Angels.

There’s an occasional call for Lou Piniella, but by the time the message has run its course, the caller has talked himself out of Piniella -- knowing the Boston Parking Lot Attendant would need another loan to make such a hire.

No one knows, of course, what kind of manager Hershiser would be, because he has no experience -- making him the ideal Dodger candidate, it would seem, because he’d have something in common with General Manager Paul DePodesta and most of the department heads hired by the McCourts.

Dodger fans would undoubtedly hail his hiring, because the new manager is not going to have his name on the back of his jersey, and in this case he wouldn’t need it. They’d also be getting the Bulldog, bringing back fond memories at a Dodger time when nothing seems particularly memorable.

Yeah, the temptation here is to call for Hershiser’s hiring, all right, but I’ve got nothing against the man, so why wish the worst for him?

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DOES IT really matter who manages the Dodgers while the Screaming Meanie is running the team? Sorry, I meant to say as long as Frank McCourt is in control? (I keep forgetting who wears the pants in the family.)

I put in a call to McCourt on Tuesday, and I can just picture him saying, “Honey, may I?” And of course, she didn’t.

No one should be surprised by the front office’s sudden show of interest in Hershiser and its public relations value to the Dodgers. After all, DePodesta’s original list of candidates to manage the big-market, storied Dodger franchise is just what you’d expect to get from DePodesta’s computer after programming in salary demands, “yes, sir” capabilities and available lost souls.

The addition of Hershiser’s name came somewhat grudgingly, pushing DePodesta at best to interview Hershiser over the telephone. I’m surprised it wasn’t done via e-mail. It would make perfectly good sense, though, the way the Dodgers do business, to have DePodesta hire a manager he has never met in person.

Tom Lasorda knows the Bulldog, so I called to give him the chance to withdraw his support for Terry Collins now that Hershiser has been interviewed. But he surprised me.

“No, I’m not changing my support,” Lasorda said. “Collins played for the Dodgers too [as a minor league shortstop].”

Yeah, that will fill those new pastel seats.

“What do you want?” Lasorda said. “You want to get somebody popular [like Hershiser]? I guess we could hire one of those movie stars everyone knows.”

Let me go on the record right now saying that I have no problem with Salma Hayek managing the Dodgers, and I pledge nothing but positive stories.

“I think you need a little experience to do something like this job,” Lasorda said, making him the only guy I know to kick Hayek to the side -- before I realized he was talking about Hershiser. “It’s tough to come out and start managing in the big leagues.”

Then he launched into a campaign speech for Collins -- making it pretty obvious the Dodgers already know who is going to manage the team and are waiting for the World Series to end to make it official.

“Terry Collins has had experience, he’s got a good record managing, he’s worked with a lot of these players in our organization as farm director and he knows their attitudes and their abilities,” Lasorda said. “If we’re going to stay within the organization and hire a manager, that’s the guy.”

Lasorda, of course, made it known from the outset that Bobby Valentine was his top choice to manage the Dodgers, but Valentine never made DePodesta’s list. I guess there’s a button on DePodesta’s computer that deletes everything Lasorda suggests. If I’m Lasorda, I suggest playing Hee-Seop Choi more, and maybe put that delete button to better use.

Lasorda joined the Parking Lot Attendant for a lengthy meeting with Hershiser on Tuesday night, and though Lasorda said, “Hershiser was outstanding in his interview,” it didn’t change his mind when it came to showing his support for Collins.

“That doesn’t mean he’s the guy,” Lasorda said. “I swear to God I don’t know who the manager is going to be. I’m not the one picking him.”

I suggested maybe he should be the one making the selection, and he said, “I should, but I don’t.”

That means the McCourts and DePodesta will be selecting the next Dodger manager, which is great news for Hershiser. There will be no reason for him to feel badly when someone else is selected.

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LASORDA, WHO promised to give $500 to Mattel Children’s Hospital at UCLA if the Dodgers placed fourth, has been waiting to give me the check to deliver to the hospital -- obviously trying to save the 37 cents it would take for a stamp.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Ethan Makhluf:

“Do you have Bill Dwyre’s e-mail? I’d like to see about possibly getting Petros Papadakis to take over your Page 2 column. He has much more credibility within the SC community.”

Of course. You can reach him at leprechaun(maybe)beatuscsomeday.com.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at

t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.