He’s Back and Ready to Throw Some Stones

I was sitting on the couch, on my final day of vacation -- at least until next week -- chatting with the 7-Eleven Kid. As attentive, appreciative audiences go, you folks could learn a thing or two from her.

I was doing what most G.P.s do, of course, my voice rising in mock anticipation as I stretched out my own home-made sound: “wooooo-p,” while moving my index finger toward the granddaughter’s face and then suddenly bopping her on the nose.

Each time in return, I got a huge smile, which got me to thinking that maybe I’ve taken the wrong approach all these years when it comes to ignoring Bill Stoneman, the Angels’ general manager.

So I went to Angel Stadium Wednesday and bopped him on the nose.

“Given the Angels’ glaring lack of power this season, don’t you regret not bringing back Troy Glaus?”

The look on Stoneman’s face was just like the look I get every so often from the 7-Eleven Kid, a clear indication that I have a mess on my hands.

“What kind of dumb [butt] question is that?” Stoneman said, and I realized I had forgotten to say, “wooooo-p” before teasing him, which might have explained his reaction. “I’m not even going to answer that. I should just walk away.”

I can’t explain it, but for some reason they never do. They just keep standing there, usually shaking their heads in disbelief before spilling their guts and saying something really stupid. I’m happy to report Stoneman was no exception.

“What kind of question is that?” Stoneman said, and I was reminded of the reason why it’s been five years since I last spoke to Stoneman -- you say “hello” to the guy and he wants to know: what kind of crack is that?

“I’m not going to second-guess myself,” Stoneman said.

He misunderstood. I was second-guessing him.

“Then write it,” he said, and if it will make him happy ...

“The minute you take talented young people in your organization [like Dallas McPherson] who have proven themselves every step of the way and stymie that growth, you’ve got a problem,” Stoneman said. “It’s suicide.”

I asked Stoneman what would’ve happened had the Angels kept Glaus -- would a stymied McPherson have left to drive a truck? I’ve spent so much time with the 7-Eleven Kid lately, it’s amazing I stopped before throwing in a “gootchie gootchie goo.”

“It’s vital that you not stunt growth,” Stoneman said, while adding, “we might not have had the money needed to go out and get a shortstop and center fielder.”

I wonder where the Angels would be today with Glaus at third, David Eckstein at short and someone other than Steve Finley in center?

*

HERE’S THE problem. The Angels are so much better than the Dodgers. We all understand that. So why criticize them? The Angels might be only one player away from winning another World Series, and whose fault is that?

The Angels have one power hitter, Vladimir Guerrero, and no one to protect him. You remember what that did to Shawn Green a few years back?

The Angels loaded the bases in the first against the A’s Wednesday night, Guerrero on first, Darin Erstad batting behind him and got nothing. With one out, Erstad struck out, and Bengie Molina followed, unable to beat out a dribbler up the middle. We know now that a sumo wrestler carrying Mike Scioscia in his arms would still beat Molina in a match race.

The best offensive option other than Guerrero is supposed to be Garret Anderson, who now looks old rather than lazy. Stoneman extended Anderson’s contract last year for another four years; apparently he doesn’t mind stunting the growth of outfielders in the minors.

Anderson and Molina each have 13 home runs -- second-best on the team to Guerrero’s 26. A year ago the Angels hit a home run once every 10 games and sweated to make the playoffs; this season it’s once every 11 games and might keep them out of the playoffs.

An occasional three-run homer makes Bartolo Colon and Jarrod Washburn even more imposing, but unfortunately watching the Angels play these days is like watching a hockey game. They scored two goals in succession Wednesday night on slap shots off the sticks of Erstad and Maicer Izturis, and this time it held up.

In the long run, will it be enough? “Didn’t you blow it when you assembled this roster -- gambling on the development of McPherson at the expense of getting rid of a proven home run hitter in Glaus?”

Let me tell you, that got the biggest smile out of Stoneman, who finally figured out that I was bopping him on the nose just to stay sharp for the kid.

“Bring your crystal ball and next year,” Stoneman said, and I finished the sentence for him, “we’ll see if you can handle a game of peek-a-boo.”

*

FINLEY, WHO agreed to donate $100 to Mattel Children’s Hospital at UCLA for every hit the rest of the season, will now donate $100 for every game he remains on the bench. The guy still has a sense of humor.

*

IN SUNDAY’S baseball column, Times reporter Tim Brown noted that “people” have been in Frank McCourt’s ear pointing out deficiencies in the Micro Manager and GM Paul DePodesta.

Ken Rosenthal, writing for Foxsports.com, went a step further and named Tom Lasorda as one of the “people” who has been undercutting DePodesta. Rosenthal wrote: “Lasorda, according to rival scouts and executives, is trashing DePodesta to anyone who will listen.”

I called Lasorda, held the phone a few feet away from my ear, while giving him the chance to respond.

“That’s a lie. A big fat lie. I’m really upset about this; I’m not going to stand for this -- you’ll see. I’ll take a lie detector test tomorrow; I have never talked to rival scouts or executives about DePodesta. I’ve been in the guy’s corner from Day 1. God almighty, how can they say that about me?”

I look forward to Rosenthal’s next visit to Dodger Stadium.