Forgive me, Lord, he just wasn’t the one

IT all started with the $7 martinis. Sounds like a good deal, right? That’s what I thought too when a friend persuaded me to attend a Halloween party thrown by the Young Adult Ministry at his Catholic church.

I was initially skeptical. Young adult? Wasn’t that just a euphemism for single holy-rollers in their 20s and 30s? The religiously single? On the other hand, who was I to pass up a $7 martini? For God and a good cause, no less.

So I went.

Now, 10 months and several dates later, I’m here to tell you that adding a church, synagogue or other place of worship to your dating territory can be fraught with spiritual and moral dangers never contemplated by Match.com or Dr. Phil.

Let’s start with the Ten Commandments. These tablet-borne rules probably get broken regularly on the L.A. dating scene, but breaking God’s rules during a relationship seems a bit more troublesome when God himself played a part in its formation. Take the eighth commandment: Thou shalt not bear false witness against thine neighbor. I’d been raised Protestant, but ever since the Halloween party, I’d been attending Catholic services. Did that make me a Catholic poser? A liar? Was my road to hell paved with $7 martinis?

In my defense, take away the Reformation, Ratzinger and the rhythm method, and I don’t see much difference. But it raises another thorny issue: When do you mention to a church date you’re not really a follower of his religion? What if he’d gone to church to meet a nice Catholic girl, and he got, well, me? Was my silence a sin of omission? Some women stress about having sex on the third date; I worried about eternal damnation.

I was lucky, however, to find my fears allayed by one of my church-earned dates when, after a hesitant confession about my religious affiliation, my date confided that he wasn’t Catholic either. In fact, his non-Catholic vocal cords had been singing hallelujah in the church choir the last three years.

Which leads to the “becoming a volunteer” dilemma. If you look for love at church, you might find yourself not only getting dates but also committee assignments. By participating in church-related activities, you’ve indicated a willingness to get involved. In my case, not only did I buy a ticket to the Halloween party, but I also ended up on the decorations committee.

My point? Instead of lolling on the couch alone with a slice of chicken supreme and a Corona watching “Grey’s Anatomy,” you might find yourself at a meeting. Not a bad thing in and of itself; just be aware.

Finally, there’s the issue of the break-up. When most relationships end, the participants avoid places the ex might be spotted. But what if that place is church? If you skip church, are you rejecting God? Destroying your chance for heaven to avoid a moment of social awkwardness?

“Uh, Lord our God? I’m not rejecting you per se, just Herbert here. I didn’t really agree with his politics, and he wears unfortunate T-shirts and, well ... I’ll just put $10 more in the plate next time. Cool?”

*

Amy Balfour may be reached at weekend@latimes.com.