Dodgers Don’t Have Grounds for a Parade

Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa joined the second stop of the Dodger Caravan on Tuesday and, standing outside his alma mater, Roosevelt High, surprised reporters by announcing, “We want a parade. We want a World Series.”

Obviously, that makes him a huge fan of the Angels, as I told him, because if it’s a parade he wants, it’s probably going to be up to Los Angeles’ best baseball team to win the World Series.

The mayor, of course, found himself in an awkward position, standing behind the Boston Parking Lot Attendant as we talked, and while I’m sure Ameriquest can probably get the mayor all the tickets he needs, he’s still a politician.

“If the Angels want a parade, it can be in Anaheim,” he said, and I think that’s mighty nice of him to agree to make the drive down the freeway.

“You hear that, Frank?” Villaraigosa said, while calling for the Parking Lot Attendant’s attention. “He’s asking me about the Angels.”

Just a hunch here, but I don’t think McCourt was surprised.

“I think there’s been a real commitment on the part of Frank McCourt to upgrade the team,” the mayor said, and when they turned off the TV cameras, I went back to him and said something like, “You can’t be serious.”

“You notice, I said improvement wasn’t enough,” the mayor said. “I want a world champion.”

Now I get it; he wants the Angels to move to Los Angeles.

*

THE FIRST person to rip off his Dodger jersey after the second stop was new Manager Grady Little, who said, “It’s hot.”

When I suggested it’s not a good sign, when the guy they’ve hired to take the heat can’t handle it, he turned, walked away and got on the bus.

*

THE CARAVAN made its initial stop at Allesandro Elementary. From the outside, beyond a wall of colorful murals, the school appeared so peaceful, a fine disguise, as I would discover, for the brainwashing taking place inside.

Hundreds of youngsters, from age 3 through sixth grade, were given Dodger caps, Dodger decals, Dodger notebooks and sitting before a stage decorated in Dodger colors, a man dressed in a Dodger jersey yelled into a microphone, “Let’s Go,” while ordering the kids to repeatedly yell, “Dodgers!”

This brainwashing went on for almost 30 minutes, the man taking time out only to teach the tortured little ones how to do the wave, the kids learning how important it is in life to follow the crowd.

When the Dodgers arrived, the first glimpse the kids got of the guys was Howard Sunkin, the Dodger executive who had secret meetings trying to lure the NFL away from the Coliseum. They didn’t seem very impressed.

Sunkin was followed by Willie Davis, Maury Wills, Don Newcombe, Eddie Murray, the kids cheering madly because these old guys had gotten them out of school, and then Charley Steiner took the microphone.

In time, Newcombe had to take over, chastising the kids for not listening to Steiner, as if they were supposed to act different from anyone else in L.A.

*

THE DODGERS’ new general manager, Ned Colletti, the former PR guy who has proven to be a real Schmoozer, told the kids they didn’t have to go back to school the rest of the day and Steiner would be buying them all lunch and ice cream. The Schmoozer is also the guy who has told us Nomar Garciaparra can play first base.

When it was time for Little to speak, he mumbled something and told the kids, “See you later.” School principal Lynn Andrews then whispered to me, “He’s no Tommy Lasorda,” adding, “You won’t put that in the paper, will you?”

The nice thing about going to school every day like the principal, you never stop learning ...

*

THE DODGERS brought only three players along for the ride, Brett Tomko, D.J. Houlton and Brad Penny, who had laryngitis. I guess all the team’s really good players were busy doing other things.

The youngsters were invited to ask questions, and a second-grader wanted to know how hard it is to play baseball. Murray, who spent most of his career refusing to answer questions, volunteered to take that one.

Andrews, pointing to a sign explaining the school’s philosophy, “College Begins in Pre-School,” said he’d be happy to rent out second-graders to any media outlet wishing to interview Murray this season.

Another youngster wanted to know what it’s like to be a famous player, obviously stumping the active Dodgers on stage, and forcing Wills to talk about his career.

*

A GROUP of almost 500 Roosevelt seniors earned the right to attend the Dodger rally because they had passed their California high school exit exams. As a reward for their educational progress, they were given second-grade instructions by McCourt to yell, “Go Dodgers!” on the count of three.

The kids politely complied, the best moment of the day coming later when the mayor, a high school dropout who got the second chance to make good, told them, “I’m so proud of you.”

*

STEVE GARVEY joined the caravan for the second stop, telling reporters the Dodgers got some good-looking young players for the kids, and a “few of us old guys for the teachers.” I know what you’re thinking, but don’t go there.

*

TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Bill Lettunich:

“It really cracked me up when the caveman got crushed [in the Super Bowl commercial]. Then someone yelled, ‘It should’ve been Simers!’ ”

You know Mike Garrett, he’s such a kidder.

*

T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.