Sometimes you have to stop and wonder how we all got by without the Internet and the breadth of truly important data and high-speed insight. Then, on other days, you hear about things such as the recent premiere of kevinfederline.com.
Yes, the husband of Britney Spears -- he of the cornrows, chewing gum and trailer-park ethos -- has carved out his own corner of the Web to promote his upcoming attempt at a rap career. The 27-year-old Fresno County native who calls himself K-Fed (not to be confused with J-Lo, A-Rod, FedEx or K-tel) married Spears in September 2004. A year later, she gave birth to their son, Sean Preston Federline.
Throughout their relationship, he has been a pop-culture pinata suffering constant whacks from the tabloids and Internet mockocracy. Now, he appears to be whacking himself.
Go to kevinfederline.com and you are greeted by a collage of headlines and photos taking shots at K-Fed and his marriage, which is widely reported to be on the rocks. There's audio too -- Federline rapping, "Keep messing with my family and you're through!" That tough-guy opening sequence closes with the message: "Now that I have your full attention, NEVER judge a book by its cover." There's not much else to the site, really, except promises of a big year for the man who to date is mostly famous for making his wife mad.
But there is this message: "I don't think we've ever been formally introduced. My name is Kevin Federline. I'm 6 feet tall, have brown hair and brown eyes. I enjoy horseback riding, long walks on the beach and the wind whipping through my hair. Ha ha ha. On a more serious note, there's going to be a lot more information and updates on here in the coming weeks, and I think this will provide you with the opportunity to get to know who I really am."
All of this is ramp-up notice for Federline's planned rap album this year. One song -- "Y'all Ain't Ready" -- was "leaked" on the Internet in November and was greeted harshly. That song had a gem of a lyric: "But maybe baby you can wait and see / Until then all these Pavarottis followin' me."
Yes, he said "Pavarottis," not "paparazzi," which suggests that the B-boy got crossed up on his Italian terms or he is being stalked by overweight opera tenors. Or maybe it's a joke? Hard to say. We'll have to wait for the website to expand before all the mysteries of K-Fed can be solved.