He’s manly, with a soft spot for tiny sandwiches

PATTON OSWALT is a jack-of-all-trades. He’s an ace sitcom sidekick on CBS’ “The King of Queens,” he’s played to full houses in comedy clubs across America, and the joker in him goes wild on his new DVD, “No Reason to Complain,” out next month. A former writer on “MadTV,” he has also appeared in such films as “Magnolia” and “Starsky & Hutch.” Oswalt, who got married in September and lives in Burbank, let us in on his weekend deal.

Just for a laugh

On Friday nights I’m usually done with the show about 9:30, and on the way home I’ll stop off at one of my favorite places, the Fake Gallery on Melrose. It’s an art gallery, but there are also these bizarre and unique shows going on with a mix of up-and-coming comics and amazing pros doing weird sketches or characters. Sometimes I’ll perform, but it’s more of a place to sit back and recharge creatively, because as you’re watching these people working out their more personal “shadow” material, you’re reminded, “Wow, I can push the boundaries a lot further than I thought I could!” It’s incredibly entertaining, but also very motivating.

Puppy love

On Saturday morning, if I’m feeling particularly fake-manly, I go to the Firing-Line in Burbank. It’s a shooting range where for 60 bucks you can take a target and safety course from 9 a.m. until noon, and there’s even free coffee and doughnuts. I shoot my rented gun and feel like an off-duty cop. After that, I head over to Chili John’s for a Coke and a big bowl of red, over spaghetti -- like a man! I just shove that chili in my face.

After that, I’ll take my French bulldog puppy, Grumpus, for a long walk. Once a month, the bulldog club meets and Grumpus can run around like a goofball with all his Frenchy bulldog friends. Then at 5:30, I’ll go to Vendome Wine & Spirits in Toluca Lake for a wine tasting. I’m still learning, but I was able to buy a bottle of 2002 Rusden Black Guts for $80, and now you can’t get it anywhere. I’ll buy a half bottle and go home and watch a movie.

I joined this company called Film Movement, and once a month they send you a film that is brilliant but just didn’t get any distribution and fell through the cracks, like “Forest for the Trees.” Later, my wife and I will order Chinese food from Century Dragon in Burbank. Excellent steamed vegetable dumplings and walnut shrimp. And then maybe we’ll watch another movie.

Read this

and that

On Sunday I’ll go out and get the newspapers and a grande sugar-free vanilla soy latte, no foam, for my wife. I’ll go to the Tallyrand in Burbank, where they make these amazing omelets. They also roast a whole turkey, put it in the refrigerator and then use it to make these incredible turkey sandwiches. Or if I feel like splurging, I’ll go over the hill to Campanile for the beef brisket hash, which I’ll eat while reading a book, another of my favorite things.

In the afternoon, to counteract the manliness of the guns and chili, I’ll go to the Chado Tea Room and have a pot of Leopard’s Blend and an assortment of small sandwiches. Just like a little old lady. That night, I’ll go to a comedy club like Amalfi or UCB Theatre and see some amazing improv. Sometimes it gets so funny that it’s almost unpleasant. And that’s how I like it.

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-- Mark Sachs