Mickey’s back in his ‘Clubhouse’

As if in penance for all the years in which the tiniest TV viewers have been assaulted with violent ruckus and commercial pitches for plastic toys and sugared cereal -- as if they had the discrimination and market savvy of, you know, a 10-year-old -- some networks have established safe zones for preschool viewers in which all is gentleness and play, with the television set not just a baby sitter but an imitation of a caring human.

“Mickey Mouse Clubhouse,” which resides in the Disney Network tot-niche known as Playhouse Disney -- but premieres tonight at 7:30 before taking up its regular morning slot (Saturdays and Sundays at 9 a.m.) -- is just such a show. “Blue’s Clues” seems to be the model upon which it has been founded, and “Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood” before that, though the “three-dimensional” computer animation and rounded design -- derived from those eternally circular ears -- is reminiscent of another Disney project for small fry, the excellent “Rolie Polie Olie.”

This is not strictly speaking a new iteration of “The Mickey Mouse Club.” It does make continual use of the old “meeska mooska mouseka” formula, and there is indeed a clubhouse, which has been designed along the lines of an old Mousketeer cap, but there are no living humans present: no Jimmy and Roy, the original middle-aged hosts; no Annette, with her dark Italian charms; nor for that matter any Britney, Justin or Christina, the later super-famous teen-pop alumni of “Mouse Club” Mark 3.

The single episode I’ve seen retells the familiar tale of Little Bo-Peep, impersonated here by Daisy Duck, in a shepherdess’ bonnet, who has lost her sheep, all 10 of them. (Perhaps while putting on those big fake eyelashes and high heels.) “Gosh! What’s a duck doing with 10 sheep?” Mickey asks, not unreasonably. Not content to take the nursery rhyme’s advice and leave them alone till they come home wagging their tails behind them, Daisy enlists Mickey’s help, and Mickey enlists ours, and here is a play fitted.

“If you see a sheep anywhere say, ‘Sheep,’ ” says Mickey, getting us involved. “You see a sheep? Where? Behind the chair?” (If you are not in the target audience, you may be tempted to make up funny answers.) In addition to sheep-spotting, there is counting, a little phys ed (we jump with Mickey as he jumps on a trampoline), and some elementary animal husbandry.

“Is that a sheep?” Mickey asks. “Nah. That’s a cow. And cows go ‘moo.’ Now what sound does a sheep make?” And you are supposed to make that sound. (It is “baaa,” by the way.)

Nothing really bad happens here, in part because nothing much happens and in part because nothing really bad is supposed to. To whatever extent these mild characters were ever a threat to the peace, they have been further sanitized and plasticized here for your children’s protection. The only one who markedly suffers from treatment is Donald Duck, the maddest of all Disney characters, and one of the maddest characters in all cartoondom, a being of barely repressed rage, and a little bit evil. He is not himself here, possibly because a character whose main mode of communication is the tantrum is considered bad modeling for impressionable minds. (A “triple phooey” is the most he is allowed.) Goofy, who is only required to be a lovable dumbbell, is more himself, and performs some old-time slapstick with a hoe. Pluto is Pluto, the dog who doesn’t get to talk.

But if Mickey’s got to be put to work, this is a sensible job for him. Constructed with the studied inoffensiveness of a Fred Rogers or Captain Kangaroo, incapable of the ironic wit that informs fellow child-friendly compere Kermit the Frog, he makes perfect sense as a preschool teacher. (Irony doesn’t really work on preschoolers, anyway.)

It would be unkind to suggest that Disney is merely out to create brand loyalty among psychically vulnerable toddlers, to get the Mouse into their brains at a time when neurological connections are still forming -- a kind of postnatal genetic modification. Still, if, as has been suggested, the problem with selling the Mouse to the current crop of 18-to-34-year-olds is that they didn’t really know him as kids, this does make a certain business sense, building children who will want to pass Mickey on to their own children as they recall their happy days in his CG clubhouse. (By way of personal example, I can still sing the “Talent Rodeo” and “Anything Can Happen Day” and “Tuesday Is Guest Star Day” themes from the original “Mouse Club.”)

It’s an efficient version of what it is, yet it is just a thing like other things you have seen before. It strains to be magical, yet lacks the real unpredictable magic of “Wonder Pets” or “Teletubbies” or “Lazy Town,” or even the first “Mickey Mouse Club.” And yet it’s difficult for an adult to judge these things -- the appeal of Barney and the Wiggles has been famously perplexing to the over-6 set, and to get the real story here you will have to find yourself a child.

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‘Mickey Mouse Clubhouse’

Where: Disney Channel

When: 7:30 tonight; regular time slot 9 a.m. Saturdays and Sundays.

Ratings: TV-Y (suitable for all children)