This just in: We’re human

To: America

From: Your Nation’s Nightly News Anchors

Subject: How we’re doing and feeling

Charlie is excited to be moving up to anchor “World News Tonight,” a bittersweet thing as Bob’s recovery from the IED attack continues to progress and Elizabeth, with child, will heed the advice of her doctors and leave off the anchoring, though she plans to re-emerge on “20/20” when the time comes. Speaking of working moms, Katie, of course, is getting ready for her emotional exit next week from “Today,” the sadness mixed with excitement about her big move to become the next Dan Rather, and failing that the next Bob Schieffer, and failing that the next Not Diane Sawyer, who still has to report on stuff in the morning (tee hee!).

Says Diane (deep breath) about Charlie becoming “World News Tonight” anchor: “Charlie will be wonderful on ‘World News Tonight.’ I will be watching him every night.” Says Diane about Elizabeth: “I know Elizabeth will bring great reporting to prime time as she always has.” Says Elizabeth about great reporting: “I have loved every day I spent at ‘World News Tonight’ and have endless respect for my colleagues there.” Says Elizabeth about Charlie: “In Charlie, this broadcast and news division has a wonderful and respected leader.” Says Charlie about this: “I am humbled to accept this new assignment.” Says Bob about Charlie: “Charlie Gibson is a mentor and a friend. I look forward to contributing to his broadcast as soon as I’m able.” Says Bob about Elizabeth: “Elizabeth and I set out on a great adventure this year, and I’m proud of what we accomplished.” Says Elizabeth: “What works best for me and my family is to return in the fall to ‘20/20’ as I raise my new baby and young son.”

Meanwhile, our cable news brethren are not immune. With the scars of Katrina still fresh, CNN’s Anderson Cooper appeared Tuesday on “Oprah” in connection with his new memoir, “Dispatches From the Edge,” an excerpt of which appears in this month’s Vanity Fair, Coop in cover photo by Annie Leibovitz.

Says Coop in book: “For so long I tried to separate myself from my past. I tried to move on, forget what I’d lost, but the truth is, none of it’s ever gone away.”

Says Oprah to Cooper, according to gossip blog Jossip: “I think you are the new breed of reporter ... it’s so interesting to me that you are the most feeling reporter on TV today.”

Similarly Katrina-affected but memoir-less Brian Williams of NBC was in Africa Tuesday to report on world poverty with U2’s Bono, though Diane would like to point out she did something similar recently with Brad Pitt.

Says Brian on his blog: “It has been a long day -- two nations, one flight, many tribal chiefs and rainfall here tonight of biblical proportions. All the while I’ve had my first exposure to a 46-year-old Irish rock star who moves with great ease through this world and has devoted so much of his life of late to this cause.”

PBS’ Jim Lehrer is as usual.