Add a new one to our vast arsenal of weapons

Mike Clark of L.A. read it in the police blotter of the Beverly Hills Courier: “Battery ... Suspect: Female white, (age) 90-95, 5-6, 110 lbs., gray hair and blue eyes: Threw a walker at the victim, striking her in the leg.”

Then made a not-so-quick getaway, one presumes.

Imperfect crime: Moving on to less-successful escapes, the Aliso Viejo News reported that “a woman tried to steal groceries” from a store, then “fled toward a gas station wearing roller blades.” (She, not the gas station, was wearing roller blades.)

In her haste, she “left the merchandise ... at the store.” And just to make sure the cops would know where to look for her, she also left her purse behind.

Strange juxtapositions: Kerstin Litvak of Simi Valley found a mansion that was more modest than you might expect considering the name of the street (see photo).

To live and drive in L.A.: Today’s curiosities from the motoring world (see accompanying) include:

* Further proof of how chancy it is to find parking (from Warren Herzog)

* A car dealer who can be a tough bargainer (photo by Sal Garcia)

* And, for the person who practically lives in a car, a meal cooked on an engine block (from Charles Scott).

Cat got your flight? “While most airport delays are annoying, this was kind of funny,” David Chan of L.A. e-mailed me from Bob Hope Airport, faithful correspondent that he is.

What happened was that a cat carrier couldn’t fit upright through the screening machine. Things inside the box apparently had to be rearranged so that it could be set on its side, and the occupant was removed.

What resulted was the unusual spectacle of the owner walking through the security gate while holding the creature. The animal didn’t set off any alarms, which was a good thing.

I’d hate to be the guard who had to run a metal-detector wand over the body of a suspicious cat.

miscelLAny: The abuse of the 911 system was illustrated by NBC’s Jay Leno the other night when he played actual emergency calls to police from people asking for:

* Advice on how to cook a turkey.

* Help to settle a dispute at a drive-in over the contents of a $1 taco.

* Directions on how to clean ice off a windshield.

* Assistance from a driver who said she was “locked inside” her car because her battery went dead. The 911 operator suggested she manually unlock the door by pushing the button up. “Oh, gosh,” she said as she magically freed herself.

Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.