To him, L.A. is all about a good time

IT’S been five years since comedian Artie Lange joined Howard Stern’s raunchy radio revue, but he’s about to take a swing at becoming a star in his own right. “Artie Lange’s Beer League” opens Sept. 15, a labor of lowbrow love that he also co-wrote and co-produced. Though Lange spends most of his time in New Jersey these days, he knows L.A. like the back of his mitt.

Shootin’ the breeze

I lived in Los Angeles from about 1995 to 2001, when I was shooting “MADtv” and “The Norm Show,” and after work on Fridays, I loved to go to the Cat & Fiddle on Sunset. They have a nice cafe outside, where I’d order one of their terrific cheeseburgers with some fries and wash it down with a big fountain Coke. Then I’d go inside to their great bar, where I’d drink Jack Daniel’s and Coke, throw darts, tell some jokes and try to pick up girls. I used to go there with friends, and sometimes we’d stay until 2 a.m. or so, and by that time I’d be good for a snack, so we’d go to the Norm’s nearby and have some pancakes and a big chocolate milk.

Drinks? You bet

On Saturday morning I’d go to Santa Anita and spend the day drinking and betting on the horses. We saw Mel Brooks there once and we were drunk and yelling to him, “Say ‘harrumph,’ ” which is from “Blazing Saddles.” We thought he might get mad, but he looked right back at us and yelled, “Harrumph!” After the track, I might go hit some balls in the batting cages at Sherman Oaks Castle Park.

I’d go home, rest up and shower, then head to dinner at the best Italian restaurant in L.A. -- Ago, on Melrose. The atmosphere is very L.A., but the food is New York. I love the prosciutto with Romano cheese, but all the food is A-list. It’s got a great bar scene too with very good-looking women, but they’re all unattainable unless you’re Mark Wahlberg.

After that, I used to go play pool at the Hollywood Athletic Club, but I also like hanging out at the Improv on Melrose or the Laugh Factory on Sunset. I’ll sit at the bar and watch the comics.

Playing pretend

On Sunday I’ll act like a millionaire and have breakfast outdoors at the Beverly Hills Hotel. I’d get a fat omelet with bacon, and they have the greatest coffee. I sit there with the newspaper and spend a couple of hours just reading, eating and drinking coffee.

Later, I’d go over to Champs bar in Burbank and watch the football games on TV. I also used to like playing basketball on the Warners lot too. Always good games there -- George Clooney played in some of them.

In the evening I’d go to Cafe Med in Sunset Plaza and have some fresh fish. Or I’d have pizza at Cathy Moriarity’s place, Mulberry Street Pizzeria on Canon in Beverly Hills. The first time I went there Cathy herself brought me my slice and a big piece of chocolate cake. She was very nice. She said I could bring back a picture of myself and she’d put it on the wall, but I’ve never gotten around to it. Maybe next time.