For some kids, school food can look like death warmed over
A budding food critic? Terri Lau of North Hollywood reports that one of her fourth-grade students wrote about the lunches served in the parish hall at the church-owned school where she teaches. Only the kid called it the “perish” hall.
“Although our lunch program is now quite good,” Lau added, “that would have been a fitting name in past years.”
On thin ice: You may have read where a judge in Newark, N.J., ruled that an inebriated Zamboni driver could not be charged with drunk driving because the ice-rink-surfacing machine is not a motor vehicle.
What’s eerie is how the incident was foretold by the song “Zamboni Driving Maniac,” whose poignant lyrics include:
Before and after and in between,
One man’s mission, the ice he’ll clean.
He’s fueled by hockey, fueled by beer.
Run you down if you get near.
The Zamboni, a Southern California product invented in the town of Paramount in 1949, has inspired some edgy works by artists -- perhaps in reaction to the cheering it inevitably receives when it rumbles into view between periods of hockey games.
There was David Katzman’s mystery novel “Death by Zamboni” (one of the mysteries is why the machine is never mentioned in the book).
Even cartoonist Charles Schulz got into the act in his “Peanuts” strip, with a scene in which Snoopy wondered how much his hockey coach thought of him.
“He told me to stand in front of the Zamboni,” the disillusioned dog said.
Oh well. At least no Zambonis have been sighted on any freeways yet.
More dangerous than a Zamboni maneuver: Further proof that pedestrians get no respect hereabouts was provided by Gary Null of Oxnard (see photo).
Food for thought: On a drive through Illinois, Teri and Wes Correll of Laguna Beach saw a newspaper story hinting that local deer hunters hadn’t had any luck bagging game lately (see accompanying).
Word imperfect: A typo in some pension papers prompted Guy Jensen of Woodland Hills to say of his wife: “For 39 years I thought she was real” (see accompanying).
Take my joke, please: Comics Carlos Mencia and Joe Rogan are feuding over allegations by Rogan that Mencia has been stealing his material. Mencia denies all and has demanded an apology but I wonder if he shouldn’t welcome the accusations.
After all, the late comic Milton Berle made a career out of joke-napping and proudly claimed the title of “Thief of Badgags.”
It was Berle who once said he attended a performance by a rival comic who “was so funny I almost dropped my pad and pencil.” In his autobiography “All My Best Friends,” George Burns said, “I love Milton. He’s a very talented man and I’ve always admired his act. In fact, I admired it when Eddie Cantor did it, when Bob Hope did it, when Ed Wynn did it.... “
I doubt if Mencia will take my advice. I think humor has become too much of a grim business these days.
miscelLAny: Richard Showstack of Newport Beach spotted it on craigslist.com: “Assistant to Student ... UCLA student needs personal assistant to come to class with her, take some notes and possibly do some paper writing. I am very busy and cannot always be expected to keep up with the work load for college when I am still expected to have a meaningful social life. Swim suit season is coming up and my priority is dieting and tanning.”
Probably a joke placed by a USC student.
Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012, and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.