Think ‘Lord of the Flies,’ but a spring-break version

IN 2004, ESPN the Magazine columnist Bill Simmons wrote a memorable love note to the “Real World/Road Rules Challenge” series. It was tough love, to be sure -- he called the cast members “self-absorbed degenerates” -- but there was a fan’s joy in his ultimate appraisal of the MTV show, which brings together popular (and unpopular) members of prior “Real World” and “Road Rules” casts for preposterous and demanding physical challenges. “Here’s a competition that takes dysfunction to the next level,” he said. “This is definitely sport. An ugly train wreck ... but sport.”

Two moments on the debut episode of “Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Inferno III” (MTV, 10 p.m. Tuesday) prove him correct. In the second contest of the show, volatile Abram goes up against genteel Alton in a climbing race. And when Abram wins, he flashes Alton’s teammates a glare as menacing as anything seen on the WWE or at a Slayer show. After all, sport -- winning at sports -- is hard work.

And then there’s the other two-thirds or so of the episode. Drunk off liquor and fancy housing, the reality stars are reliably difficult -- which is to say, reliably compelling. This season was filmed in and around Cape Town, South Africa, and is hosted by the spectacularly affectless BMX dirt-jumping champion T.J. Lavin. He presides over a playground. “The Inferno” is its component parts distilled down; rather than pretend its participants are adults, it’s content to let them be children, free of responsibility, eager to perform for the cameras.

This could pass for meta-commentary on unemployment in the under-30 set if the competitions themselves weren’t so draining -- who wants to wake up at sunrise to engage in these absurd challenges other than committed worker drones? There’s a cash prize waiting for the remaining winners of the victorious team (one competitor is kicked off each week), but the real prize is demi-celebrity. It’s intoxicating enough that some participants have returned for five or more “Challenge” series with the only apparent reward being the opportunity to return for the next one (this is the 14th all-star “Challenge”).

Too often, though, the shows approximate sanctioned bullying -- not that different from sport, really. Sadly for this installment, key antagonists from previous affairs are nowhere to be found -- bulging-veined Wes, originally from “The Real World: Austin”; gleefully miserable Beth, originally from “The Real World: Los Angeles”; vindictive and loud Coral, originally from “The Real World: Back To New York,” and her frequent partner Evan, who first appeared on “Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Fresh Meat” and who’s been the show’s nicest villain.

Instead, there are doses of vitriol from Abram, originally from “Road Rules: South Pacific” and who was kicked off midway through that show for attacking a cast mate. (As it happens, he was also kicked off the current season of “Road Rules,” running concurrently with this challenge, for violence). And there’s one other regular “Challenge” star who eagerly embraces the show’s true competition, the war of egos. (I won’t give away who, because it’s a spoiler, but here’s a hint: He’s got a thick accent, well-defined abs and an entitlement complex.)

On the first night, after wrestling with one of his teammates -- the teams are split into the Good Guys and the Bad Asses (guess which one the mystery man is on) -- he ends up with a bloody nose, prompting an alcohol-fueled promise. “I’d [expletive] lay you out cold,” he says. “Naptime, [expletive]!” Then, off camera, he throws a punch at one of the first-timers, fresh off “The Real World; Denver” (which is, paradoxically, still airing new episodes, creating a tear in the TV-time continuum), leaving the newbie with a black eye and resulting in the aggressor’s mandatory expulsion before competition even begins.

Televised infamy -- hell, it beats real work.