It’s a tough job, but someone has to drive the freeway pace car

The instructors aren’t the only funny folks at the California Comedy Traffic Schools. One attendee recounted how she was pulled over by a California Highway Patrol officer for going 80-plus on the freeway. She explained to the officer that she was “just going with the flow of traffic.” The officer pointed out that no one was near her. “Well,” she responded, “someone has to set the flow.”

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Mystery o’ the Day

My ex-colleague Rich Roberts spotted a punctuation mark in China that was trying to make some sort of dramatic point (see photo). It doesn’t seem to go with the flow.

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It’s the price tags, stupid!

In a suburb of Sacramento, Steve Durgin of Woodland Hills saw a store that seemed to be saying its prices were ridiculous. I’ll leave you to judge whether they were high or low. The idea of a merchant questioning his or her own intelligence brought to mind a furniture store that George Bethell found in Garden Grove several years ago (see photos). And old-timers will recall that Figueroa Street car dealer Earl “Madman” Muntz used to say of his coupes: “I’d give them away, but my wife won’t let me. She says I’m crazy.”

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Word imperfect

In Canoga Park, Richard Shontz snapped an aerospace sign that should be grounded because of defective spelling (see photo).

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We’re No. 100!

When it comes to a place where women can be happy, Self magazine ranks L.A.-Long Beach last among 100 areas in the nation. Long Beach Press-Telegram columnist Tim Grobaty noticed that Bakersfield, Stockton-Lodi, Riverside, San Bernardino and Gary, Ind., among others, were all rated more frolicsome. Criteria included the number of depression patients, suicide rates and opinions of healthcare professionals. (My opinion: Never trust a survey that doesn’t use the input of bartenders and taxi drivers.)

Anyway, Grobaty was so upset that he penned “The Long Beach Blues.”

All together now:

I’m stuck with the Long Beach blues

For a year or maybe two

If things don’t look up by then

Might have to move to San Berdoo.

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Now for a guy with a case of the Santa Monica blues . . .

A worker at an auto parts store had locked up for the night and was waiting inside for his ride when a man demanded that he open up and sell him a product called Fix-a-Flat. The worker refused, whereupon “the man launched a violent assault on the door,” the Santa Monica Mirror reported. The angry fellow forced the door open, at which point the worker called police and the invader fled. Officers arrested him a block away. He hadn’t gone very far, what with that flat tire and all.

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Miscellany

One of the many effects of global warming that we should be aware of, points out Will Rogers of Burbank, is how some sayings are becoming outdated. For instance: “It’ll be a cold day in hell when. . . .”

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012, and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.