Year of the ‘dog

Rapid-fire recap of the craziest college football season on record, typed with flying fingers while listening to Chopin’s “Minute Waltz.”

* Sept. 1: Appalachian State shocks No. 5 Michigan in Ann Arbor, 34-32; sets topsy-turvy tone for a Looney Tunes season; world wouldn’t see another upset like it for . . . days (See: Stanford boards plane for Los Angeles, Oct. 5).

* Notre Dame botches opener to Georgia Tech, 33-3; don’t call it a rebuilding year. “May God strike me dead if I use that word.” (See: Irish Coach Charlie Weis, media day, August 2007).

* Sept. 15: Poor 0-2, injury-savaged Utah must face relatively uninjured UCLA, ranked No. 11, in Salt Lake City. Bruins go down, 44-6.

Notre Dame falls to 0-3; God prepares to strike?

* Sept. 22: USC crushes Washington State; Appalachian State, winner over Michigan, loses to . . . Wofford.

* Sept. 28 (Friday). No. 5 West Virginia sets off weekend Rube Goldberg-like chain reaction with a four-turnover loss at South Florida.

* Sept. 29 (Saturday): For the love of Barry Switzer . . . No. 2 Oklahoma loses at Colorado; Auburn upends No. 4 Florida (so much for a sophomore winning the Heisman Trophy); No. 7 Texas tumbles; No. 10 Rutgers falls flat, as does No. 11 Oregon, to California, which looks like the team to beat this year.

USC ekes out win at Washington, looks to extend home winning streak to 36 against Stanford.

* Oct. 6: Western Union wire: 41-Point Underdog Stanford Shocks USC, 24-23. . . . STOP. . . . Winning QB’s first name is “Tavita.” . . . STOP. . . . Pig seen flying over Coliseum. . . . STOP.

Notre Dame returns to Rose Bowl for first time since 1925; needs seven turnovers to score 20 points in a win over UCLA, which needs a quarterback.

* Oct. 13: Associated Press’ No. 1 and No. 2 fall on the same weekend for the first time since 1996, as No. 1 Louisiana State bows in triple overtime at Kentucky and Cal, poised to be No. 1 for first time since 1951, falls to Oregon State when backup quarterback Kevin Riley lets time expire before Bears can win or send the game to overtime with a field goal; Cal Coach Jeff Tedford slams headset to ground.

* Oct. 14 (Sunday): First BCS standings released. Ohio State is No. 1, followed by South Florida, actually located in Tampa.

* Oct. 18: (Thursday). South Florida no longer No. 2 after loss at Rutgers; Scarlet Knights fans storm field; first time anyone storms field after win over South Florida.

* Oct. 20: LSU needs only a field goal to beat Auburn; Coach Les Miles prefers the heart-attack risk; clock ticks toward zero; quarterback Matt Flynn throws a 22-yard scoring pass to Demetrius Byrd with one second left; Tigers win, 30-24.

Temple (yes, Temple) wins third straight game; wonder if Owls Coach Al Golden has ever interviewed with a chancellor in Westwood?

UCLA shocks Cal, 30-21; locker-room hugs for Karl Dorrell; Bruins control Pac-10 destiny.

Rocky plane ride to South Bend for USC; game not rocky, Trojans win, 38-0; pollsters not impressed.

Kansas finally leaves state to play, wins at Colorado, improves to 7-0, moves to No. 12 in AP poll; no one expects it will last.

* Oct. 25 (Thursday) Boston College is two minutes from becoming the fourth straight No. 2 casualty; Matt Ryan rallies Eagles with two late touchdowns to beat Virginia Tech, 14-10; Red Sox poised to sweep Colorado in World Series, read about it on Curt Schilling’s blog; Patriots still unbeaten.

* Oct 27: Seven of top 16 BCS schools lose; four out of five dentists think season is “officially nuts”; USC loses at Oregon; is there a better player than Dennis Dixon?

Georgia beats Florida (repeat: no way a sophomore wins the Heisman).

Most misleading scoring summary from weekend: “Riley Curry 44 pass from Blake Barmore. 1 play, 60 yards.” Last play between Trinity and Millsaps actually involved 15 laterals.

* Nov. 3: Joy in Mudville (Eugene); No. 4 Oregon beats Arizona State on the same day Florida State upsets No. 2 Boston College; Heisman Trophy appears to be Dixon’s to lose; left knee tweak suffered with 13:01 left is deemed not serious; “knee is fine,” coach says.

Navy ends 43-game losing streak to Notre Dame; Kansas crushes Nebraska, 76-39; Cornhuskers Coach Bill Callahan starts counting down the days; Hawaii improves to 8-0 but still can’t crack the BCS top 15.

* Nov. 10: Illinois shocks No. 1 Ohio State in Columbus; visitors run out the final 8:09 on vaunted Buckeyes defense; LSU headed back to No. 1; things have never looked better for No. 3 Oregon.

Navy beats North Texas, 74-62; it’s not a basketball score; teams combined for 63 second-quarter points.

Kansas and Hawaii are the only unbeaten teams left.

* Nov. 11 (Sunday): Ohio State crashes to No. 7 in BCS standings, national title hopes DOA; Kansas rides deplorable schedule to No. 3 BCS ranking; Hawaii rides deplorable schedule to No. 16; what’s wrong with this BCS picture?

* Nov. 15 (Thursday): Dixon’s knee is the opposite of fine; Oregon keeps his injury a secret at player’s request; Dixon plays against Arizona; knee buckles with 6:01 left in the first quarter; it’s a torn ACL. Arizona beats Oregon; another No. 2 goes down; Dixon’s Heisman hopes are dashed; ditto for Oregon’s national title bid.

* Nov. 16 (Friday). Hawaii quarterback Colt Brennan sits out most of Nevada game because of a concussion. Dan Kelly kicks game-winning field goal to make Hawaii 10-0; BCS hopes still alive. Whew.

* Nov. 17: Oklahoma doesn’t get a chance to become new No. 2, loses at Texas Tech; Ohio State beats Michigan, clinches Rose Bowl bid unless something really screwy happens; Kansas and Missouri win to set up most important “Border War” game in history of rivalry.

Cal drops to 6-5 after loss at Washington.

* Nov. 22 (Thursday): USC runs over Arizona State; where was this Trojans team all year?

* Nov. 23 (Friday): No. 1 LSU loses another triple-overtime game, this time to Arkansas; Hawaii wins WAC title with home victory over Boise State.

Nebraska blows lead to Colorado, giving up 34 unanswered points; interim AD Tom Osborne to meet soon with Callahan.

* Nov. 24: Callahan fired; No. 2 Kansas loses to Missouri; Oregon, without Dixon, fails to score against UCLA; Bruins athletic director jots down name of Oregon coach.

* Nov. 25 (Sunday) BCS standings: Missouri is No. 1, West Virginia No. 2.

* Dec. 1 (Saturday morning): Miles will be next Michigan coach; wait, no he won’t, Miles says in pregame news conference. LSU beats Tennessee to win SEC title; Ohio State hasn’t played since Nov. 17; (Saturday night): No. 1 (Missouri, to Oklahoma) and No. 2 (West Virginia, to Pittsburgh) lose on same weekend for the third time this season.

Hawaii defeats Washington to complete a 12-0 season.

* Dec. 2 (Sunday). Ohio State and LSU end up 1-2 in BCS standings, will play for national title; LSU jumps from No. 7 to No. 2, Georgia coach is upset; Rose Bowl picks 9-3 Illinois to play USC; Hawaii finishes No. 10, earns Sugar Bowl bid; national columnists decry corrupt BCS system, many demand playoff; bottom line: hell will freeze first.

* Dec. 3 (Monday): UCLA fires Karl Dorrell and hires . . . ?

* Dec. 8 (Saturday): A sophomore does win the Heisman.

* Dec. 14 (Friday): Appalachian State beats “Big Blue” to start season and “Blue Hens” (of Delaware) to end it.

* Dec. 16 (Sunday): Miles doesn’t take Michigan job, but West Virginia coach does.

* Also: Notre Dame finishes 3-9 but wins final two games; Irish own longer winning streak than either team playing for BCS national title.

‘Twas the season.

chris.dufresne@latimes.com