Rules of the game

Some things in sports never seem to change:

(1) Marty Schottenheimer is always on the verge of being fired;

(2) Bill Parcells is always on the verge of quitting;

(3) UCLA still totally owns USC in basketball;

(4) Chris Webber remains an enigma; and

(5) No matter what happens, how it happens, or whom it happens to, T.J. Simers will take credit for having known it in advance.

DAVID MACARAY

Rowland Heights