Mayor Bloomberg in denial?

Hmmm, it’s probably just a coincidence, but New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg, the current billionaire and former Democrat who became a Republican and then declared himself an independent with no interest in running for president, is buying up all kinds of website names.

Websites with names like mike2008.com. And mbloomberg.com. And michaelbloomberg.com.

At the same time, Bloomberg has stepped up his travels across the country. He told “Good Morning America” last week it’s “just an accident” that his speeches take him to “big states” like Missouri, where he addressed the National Urban League along with several presidential candidates.

“I’ve got a job, and it’s a great job, and I’m going to finish this job,” said the mayor, whose term runs through 2009.

He did make one observation about the ongoing presidential primary races. “What I don’t hear,” he said, “which I’d love to hear some candidate say: ‘I don’t know.’ No candidate or elected official can have an answer for everything, every time.”

Not yet, anyway.

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Pursuing the news

We take our work as bloggers extremely seriously, which is why as soon as we learned of the latest endorsement of Rudy Giuliani, we immediately jumped on the story. According to the Giuliani campaign, the former mayor has just been endorsed by Bo Derek. The Bo Derek. Members of a certain generation may recall the movie “10.”

Derek is a longtime Republican who campaigned in both presidential campaigns of both Bushes. “Rudy Giuliani,” the news release quotes Derek as saying, “is a problem solver with common sense leadership who made a tremendous and positive difference as Mayor of New York.”

Solely in the interest of getting a fuller story, Top of the Ticket invested a very long time in Web research on Bo Derek. There is her official site, which has a photo gallery. We learned at another she was born Nov. 20, 1956, as Mary Cathleen Collins in Long Beach, which makes this an important local story. She likes swimming and windsurfing and horses. We discovered evidence Bo doesn’t always wear swimsuits at photo shoots near waterfalls.

One article quotes Bo on America’s profound problem with nudity: “It’s a funny, prudish side we have. And it is so silly. We spend so much of our time nude. We’re born nude and it just seems like the most natural thing.”

Which naturally brings us back to the fully clothed Giuliani campaign: Go read Giuliani’s 12 commitments to the American people for yourself. But we’ve checked -- no photos of Bo in there.

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It’s official -- Giuliani is toast

Rudy Giuliani might as well close up shop now. Save all that money. The same goes for Fred and Tommy Thompson, Mike Huckabee, Bill Richardson, Sam Brownback, Tom Tancredo and Dennis Kucinich. To continue their campaigns for the presidency would be simply futile, according to a little-noticed historical rule.

Their names are too long.

American voters, especially those in the last half-century, simply do not elect or allow men with more than seven letters in their names to be commander in chief. Think about it. Bush (4), Clinton (7), Bush (4), Reagan (6), Carter (6), Ford (4), Nixon (5), Johnson (7), Kennedy (7).

All the way back to Eisenhower in 1956, who at 10 letters ties Washington for longest presidential name.

You might have thought Eisenhower (10) should have lost to Stevenson (9), but Eisenhower’s more popular name was Ike (3). In 1964 Johnson (7) vs. Goldwater (9) was an easy call, as was 1968: Nixon (5) vs. Humphrey (8). And 1972: Nixon (5) vs. McGovern (8).

Ford (4) should have beaten Carter (5) in 1976, but Ford was carrying the burden of a six-letter word -- pardon.

Bush (4) vs. Dukakis (7) was not difficult to figure, and in 1992 Bush (4) could have beaten Clinton (7) except for two five-letter words -- taxes and Perot. In 1996, Clinton (7) should have lost to Dole (4), but Dole was from Kansas and can be crabby.

Finally, the 2000 presidential race should have been very close between Bush (4) and Gore (4). Oh, wait, it was.