So what’s this burger chain beef all about?

When I started in journalism school, freshmen had a choice of going into newspapers, TV or advertising. I chose newspapers because I could spell good. The professors said if I worked on my grammar, I just might make it in the business.

I gave them my pledge to do so, and here I am.

It’s a good thing I didn’t choose advertising. Talk about being clueless.

To show you how dumb I am, I can’t for the life of me figure out why the parent company of Orange County’s Carl’s Jr. is suing one of its competitors, Jack in the Box Inc., over two TV ads.

I’d have guessed that someone in Carl’s Jr. ad department would have told the lawyers, “Uh, you know what? This isn’t worth a lawsuit. We’ll look dumber than the Jack.”

Instead, CKE Restaurants Inc. filed the suit Friday in federal court in Santa Ana, contending that new Jack in the Box ads touting its sirloin burgers take a shot at the Angus beef used by fast-food outlets like Carl’s Jr.

One of the ads opens with Jack in the Box staffers laughing uproariously at a reference to a competitor’s “Angus burger.” Later in the 30-second spot, a staffer says to Jack, the large-headed, smiley-faced company leader: “Are you saying that people will find our sirloin more attractive than their Anguses?”

Those are the references that irk the Carl’s Jr. people. I’ll give you some time now to figure out why.

Still waiting ...

Got it yet?

Take all the time you need ...

Sorry, your time is up.

The other ad has Jack addressing the staff and referring to an outline of a cow that shows where the various cuts of beef come from. As he points to the sirloin area, a staffer asks, “Jack, our competitors serve Angus burgers. Could you point to the Angus area?”

A sheepish Jack replies, “I’d rather not.”

Get it?

Me neither.

I must be much slower than the average viewer. Turns out that both ads, according to Carl’s Jr. corporate people, suggest that Angus burgers come from a part of the cow that sort of sounds like Angus.

OK, here’s my last hint: remove the “g” from Angus.

The suit contends that the ads imply that Angus beef burgers come “from the rear end and/or anus of beef cattle ....” It does so, the suit says, by using the similarity of the two words.

This sounds to me like one of those make-believe lawsuits filed on April Fool’s Day. The kind where the lawyers then say, “Hey, we really had you going for a minute, didn’t we?”

Apparently, they’re serious. According to a wire service report, the suit seeks unspecified damages and a court order to stop Jack in the Box from running the ads.

I tried to reach CKE officials mid-afternoon Friday, but corporate headquarters in Carpinteria were closed for the Memorial Day holiday weekend.

It’s just as well. I would have been forced to display my ignorance over why the Jack ads offend. Or to ask what reasonably sane consumer older than 10 years of age would equate Angus, which is a breed of cattle, to that other word.

Even more indelicate would have been my question about how a company that has used Playboy publisher Hugh Hefner, bad-boy Dennis Rodman and bad-girl Paris Hilton in its TV ads in the last dozen or so years could get worked up over “Angus” references.

I also would have asked if it’s smart to draw attention to a competitor’s ads, especially when most people likely will find them cute. “Jack” has established himself over the years as a good-natured goofball, and I don’t understand why CKE would want to give him free publicity.

And as final proof of how dense I am, what message is CKE sending to its customers? I’d translate it this way: “We think you’re so stupid that you might actually believe Angus beef burgers come from the ultra-hind quarters of the cow.”

Is a lawsuit really the way to go here? How about counter-

advertising?

There I go again, showing how little I know about the ad game.

The people who run Carl’s Jr. are smart. Me? I don’t know jack.

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Dana Parsons’ column appears Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. He can be reached at (714) 966-7821 or at dana.parsons@latimes.com. An archive of his recent columns is at www.latimes.com/parsons.