How do you navigate Vegas? With difficulty

The days when you could spend a Saturday night easily flitting between venues on the Strip are a fading memory. Whether it’s a spin through an overpriced megaclub, walking along the tiny, congested sidewalks and standing in endless lines everywhere, crowds (lovingly dubbed “meanderthals”) will hinder you no matter where you go. If you weren’t a misanthrope before your trip, you will be after. A few survival tips:

THE MONORAIL IS YOUR FRIEND.

It’s a godsend -- cheap and fast. (Go to wwwlvmono rail.com for prices and stops). It’s definitely preferable to the pricey cabs and the cheaper local buses. But perhaps you enjoy the inanity of spending half an hour to go five blocks. If you do insist on walking, double your expected travel time; the distances are much farther than they appear on a map.

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AVOID GOING ON THE WEEKEND.

There are roughly between 275,000 and 300,000 visitors per day, according to the board of tourism, with hotel occupancy averaging 87.6% capacity during the week versus 94.6% on weekends. So although it will never be New Zealand, it can be less like Kolkata.

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THE FRIENDLIER THE FREE ADVICE YOU GET IN VEGAS THE LESS YOU SHOULD BELIEVE IT.

Vegas finds multiple ways to convince frontline workers to push various offerings. Strip clubs pay taxi drivers a bounty for delivering customers. And there isn’t a concierge in Vegas who doesn’t get free tickets to shows. Internet research will get you much further than a quiet word with the friendly bell desk.

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DON’T GET HUNG UP ON SEEING THE NEWEST SHOWS.

They come with the most hassle and the longest lines.

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YOU CAN EAT CHEAPLY.

The days of $2.99 all-you-can-eat buffets may be gone, but you can find a shrimp cocktail for 99 cents at the Golden Gate downtown, and a steak dinner with all the trimmings at the Gold Coast for $10.95. Look for 2-for-1 specials inside the tourist publications in every hotel room. A tip: Many restaurants still have off-menu bargains (like the steak & shrimp special at the Hard Rock’s Mr. Lucky’s) known only to loyal customers or, if you think to ask them, the wait staff.

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DON’T LEAVE YOUR HOTEL.

We’re not kidding. Find one that includes a few great restaurants, shopping, a spa and a few shows you want to see and never step foot outside.

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NOT TO SOUND LIKE YOUR MUM, BUT ALWAYS CARRY WATER.

Between the dry air outside and the lack of fresh, smoke-free air inside (not to mention the excessive partying), you will always feel dehydrated.

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AVOID THE PARIS HOTEL.

Though the Tropicana is generally considered the worst hotel on the Strip (one-third of the employees have been let go or left since it was bought about a year ago), we had the worst experiences at the Paris. The restaurants are sorely understaffed and we encountered some very rude employees. (Or maybe that’s part of creating an authentic Parisian experience?)