Now this is steamy

THE frantic holiday season has come to a close. You’ve drunk yourself blind, eaten yourself silly and worked yourself into a shopping stupor. Fortunately for you, The Guide has shouldered the onerous burden of numerous treatments to steer you toward the finest day-spa pampering the city has to offer. All spas offer a wide menu of treatments for men and women in addition to those we tried.

Go ahead, fulfill that New Year’s resolution to relax.

BEVERLY HOT SPRINGS

An unassuming urban retreat that rests above a natural artesian well flush with mineral-rich spring waters, the hot H2O is coaxed to the surface in an underground grotto equipped with large tiled pools, burbling fountains and a soothing meditation garden (separate facilities for men and women, so go ahead and strip). Dally among the ice bath, the hot springs, a steam room and a sauna. Add a vigorous body scrub or massage to your package, and you’ll be as limp as a noodle when you crawl back to your car. 308 N. Oxford Ave., L.A. Pool $40; massage $90 for 60 minutes. (323) 734-7000.

BODY LOUNGE

If overindulgence has left your skin blotchy and red, the 1 1/2 -hour, seven-step SeaC Facial -- including mild extraction and a terrific facial, neck and arm massage -- will do you right up. The highlight: an application of five translucent, seaweed-based patches that dissolve into your skin thanks to a concentrated Vitamin C gel. Sounds weird, feels great. 13952 Ventura Blvd., Sherman Oaks. $130 for 90 minutes. (818) 783-8037.

CENTURY SPORTS CLUB & DAY SPA

Here the sexes are separated, clothes are shed, and bodies move in a daze among ice-cold and hot spa baths, marble and clay saunas and a silken tub of rich green Chinese herbs. Once you’re boiled red, you shower and lie on a stone slab where a Korean woman in a black bra and panties crusts you with salt like a side of beef and rubs you down with vigorous abandon. After sloughing off several layers of dead skin you didn’t think you could spare, she rinses you with warm buckets of water, shampoos your hair and bastes you in creamy lotion. 4120 W. Olympic Blvd., Koreatown. $65 for 60 minutes. (323) 954-1020.

DERMALOGICA

The place -- super white, pod-like treatment rooms and soothingly trippy lighting -- makes you feel like you’re in “2001: A Space Odyssey,” which is a nice change from the new-agey joints that dominate the spa landscape. Being big fans of the Dermalogica skin care line, we were cautiously excited about our visit -- cautiously since facials are always a crap shoot and a bad one can wreak havoc. Our therapist, Michelle, looked too young to know a good facial from a hole in the wall, but her hands proved otherwise: a thorough yet relatively pain-free extraction, an oddly pleasant bacteria-killing electromagnetic gadget, and a blissful arm and hand massage. The result? Glowing skin, clean as a whistle. 1022 Montana Ave., Santa Monica. $85 for 60 minutes. (310) 260-8682.

DTOX DAY SPA

Someone once told us one massage equals two hours of sleep. If you fall asleep, does that make it four? In the hands of therapist Julian at the award-winning and chic dtox day spa in Atwater Village, not only did we drift into a delicious slumber, we also got rid of a torturous, stress-related crick in our neck that had been plaguing us for weeks. The delicate balancing act required to make a massage therapeutic and relaxing -- well, that’s an art. A hot stone rub (our definition of heaven), an oiled scalp massage, and the washing of feet with a lemony scrub, are just three of the bonus points of the spa’s Signature Experience, which, even at 80 minutes, ends much too quickly. 3206 Los Feliz Blvd., L.A. The Signature: $160 for 80 minutes. (323) 665-3869.

LE PETITE RETREAT

When strains of Pink Floyd’s “Comfortably Numb” accidentally slipped through the treatment-room speakers, creating sonic dissonance with the meditation music we had been listening to during our Sea Tonic Scrub, we realized the irony of our situation: oh, to be comfortably numb after paying more than $100 to be rubbed raw with a salt-and-oil scrub. Comfort did come, in the form of a copper aromatherapy tub laced with lavender essential oils. Agony eased, our skin was soon celestially soft. 331 N. Larchmont Blvd., Larchmont. $130 for 75 minutes. (323) 466-1028.

ONA SPA

Getting a deep-tissue massage at Ona is like placing your body underneath a steamroller wrapped in cushions. That is to say, it hurts so good. Slip between downy sheets on an adjustable table that’s perfectly calibrated to relieve pressure on your knees and lessen congestion. Ona’s masseuses take time to talk about your problem spots before rubbing your pillow with a personalized scent (ours was relaxing lavender and orange) and digging into your most tortured muscles with an almost-psychic acumen. Finish decompressing in a large, tiled shower with dreamy soaps. 7373 Beverly Blvd., WeHo. $160 for 80 minutes. (323) 931-4442.

PURE AESTHETICS PURE WELLNESS

The Kobido facial -- an ancient Japanese technique that stimulates skin tone and improves blood flow through rapid, light manual strokes (kind of like someone typing really fast on your face) -- begins with a pre-treatment consultation, in which a multi-spectral-image camera lends a brutally honest analysis of your skin’s condition. That’s worth the trip (and the hefty price) in itself. Therapist Joo-mee Song then incorporated extractions with oxygen, electro and light therapies for what had been determined was dry skin. One week later, we still feel dewy and smooth. 2980 N. Beverly Glen Circle, Bel-Air. $350 for 60 minutes. (310) 470-6362.

RA ORGANIC SPA

Every treatment at rA involves organic ingredients, including Balneo-peat, the clayless mud containing plants, flowers and herbs used in their Moor Mud body treatment. After having the mud spread over your entire body, you’re wrapped burrito-style in wax-like paper and a thick thermal blanket, producing a detoxifying heat. Thirty minutes later, all that icky, toxic mud is showered off and you’re massaged with a moisturizing and firming stone crop lotion. Guaranteed to release every last vestige of New Year’s debauchery. 119 N. San Fernando Blvd., Burbank. $95 for 60 minutes. (818) 848-4772.

SPA GRACE

Jeremy Grace has a blond Morrissey-style pompadour and magic hands that erase tension from your face. Sign up for his Glam Pampering Facial and you’ll be tucked into a heated bed in a quiet, cream-colored chamber with a black chandelier and Eastern-tinged music. Grace treats you to a deep-cleansing treatment, nourishing mask and a sensuous array of massages for the face, hands, shoulders and feet, plus the inevitable business of extractions. Also recommended: totally fierce brow sculpting. 500 E. Broadway, Long Beach. $105 for 75 minutes; brow shaping $25. (562) 388-5437.

TRILOGY

You say you like it rough? Expect to experience pain and pleasure in equal amounts during Trilogy Spa’s deep-tissue massage, which is marketed to “active” men and women. A typical 50-minute session begins with you lying face down as the therapist kneads your muscles with slow rolling-pin motions of the forearm. Then you roll over for similar torture of the legs, chest and arms. Ideal for those with more knots than a fishing net but perhaps a wee bit intense for neophytes. Manhattan Beach, Hermosa Beach and Squaw Valley. $105 for 50 minutes. www.tril ogyspa.com

VERABELLA

The Beverly Hills mainstay has the food-based gourmet-facial market cornered. Each 90- minute facial begins with an in-depth consultation, after which you are tucked into a soft bed and swaddled with a fluffy blanket. Dry, sensitive skin, for example, gets the Roses & Chocolate facial (others include Champagne and caviar, pumpkin pie and paraffin and placenta protein), which includes a steam-enhanced extraction, tea tree gel, a fresh cocoa-based mask, massage and a sweet-smelling rose mask. Yum. 301 N. Canon Drive, Beverly Hills. $135 for 90 minutes. (310) 278-4733.

VODA SPA

Voda’s Russian Bear massage is perfect for anyone who sits behind a desk all day. Focusing primarily on the shoulders and back, it’s a full-body, deep-tissue rubdown with sublime results (give or take a yelp or two). We got a pleasant Russian woman named Maria, whose hands rival her brawniest male counterparts. Before or after treatments, guests may use the sleek, ultra-modern facilities: pool, hot tub and four types of saunas. Check out the cool day packages, which include meals from the healthy cafe. 7700 Santa Monica Blvd., WeHo. Russian Bear: $60 for 25 minutes, $115 for 50. (323)-654-4411.

WILLOW SPA

This charming, lush oasis set in an old wooden house offers a free foot massage with any 60-minute treatment, which was how our delightfully fragrant Mango Body Polish began. As administered by Holly, it was the only relaxing scrub we’ve ever experienced -- as was the accompanying massage with green tea and lime moisturizing lotion. We paired that with a hydrating eye treatment that zapped the unsightly, Champagne-induced baggage under our eyes. 3127 Santa Monica Blvd., Santa Monica. Mango Body Polish: $110 for 60 minutes; eye treatment $15. (310) 453-9004.