Swimming in healing waters

Flip-flops squeaking against the tile floor, goggles perched on my head, I scan the pool deck for a free lap lane. Swimmers, real swimmers, complete with swim caps and fins, stroke back and forth, pausing only for an occasional breath or smooth underwater flip turn.

Looking at my faded suit, I feel everyone’s eyes upon me. A thirtysomething mom, I consider morning sprints to the bus stop and the hoisting of overflowing grocery bags my exercise regime. But competition-style lap swimming?

I think not.

Sure, I know how to swim, but splashing around with my kids on a sultry summer afternoon is just not the same as this: a 9 a.m. plunge into freezing water on an already cool October morning.

“Do you swim?” The neurologist’s question had caught me off guard. Unexplained back pain (from all those grocery bags?) plus a strange tingling sensation in my right foot had taken me to our family doctor, then -- alarmingly -- to this specialist.

“Well, no -- I mean, I can swim, but it’s been years.”

“It really is the best thing for your back.”

Stalling, I had opted for on-land physical therapy sessions, which did little to alleviate the numbness in my toes. Who knew that a herniated back disc could affect the feet?

“You really should try swimming,” the therapist had reiterated. “It can do wonders for injuries like yours.”

So here I stand poolside, a deer in the headlights, wanting to flee yet paralyzed by the imagined stares of the “real” swimmers.

“You’re welcome to share this lane with me,” a swimmer offers.

I mutter thanks and slide into the surprisingly warm water. I push forward into a modified breaststroke. (Adapted by me, so I don’t actually have to put my eyes under water.) My fingertips hit cold concrete; a tangible reward for completing an entire lap. Out of breath, yet exhilarated, I continue this back-and-forth path.

I shock myself by completing 10 laps. “I’m going to do 20 laps on Thursday!” I boast to my husband later that day. “I think I will try a few strokes of front crawl too.”

What started as therapy for my back quickly turned into an enjoyable workout. I now find myself looking forward to peaceful morning swims. Gradually, I’ve begun to complete greater distances. Ten laps have become 20 and, remarkably, even 30.

Splashing forward, I am surprised to feel so free. My spirit soars with each stroke. Who cares if my form isn’t the model of Olympian perfection? In the water I am powerful and strong. Adjusting my goggles, I dive beneath the surface. Insecurities are washed away as I set and reach new goals -- such as actually swimming underwater.

Long after my back pain subsides, swimming continues to be the balm that heals my body and soul. In the water, I am a confident athlete, a woman of strength. And someday, someday soon, I will master that impossible flip turn.

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Wass is a freelance writer in Ohio.

www.stefaniewass.com