Sister is a danger to her family

Dear Amy: My sister has been emotionally abusing her husband for years. Recently, I learned from my brother-in-law that she has started to physically abuse him by slapping, biting and punching him. She expects my brother-in-law to meet unrealistic expectations, and when he does not meet them, she lashes out at him.

Whenever we have tried to talk to my sister, she becomes defensive and thinks we are blaming her.

We suspect that she may have a mental disorder. She blames my brother-in-law for the entirety of their problems and refuses to go to counseling, even though my brother-in-law is about to start going to counseling himself.

I am worried that my sister is escalating her violence toward her husband, and I also worry about their two young kids.

How can we encourage her to admit that she has problems and go to counseling, and how can I best support my brother-in-law and the children?

Worried

Dear Worried: You may not be able to talk your sister into counseling, so you must focus your concern on your brother-in-law and their kids.

They are victims of her rage and violence, and they need protection. Your brother-in-law should be prepared to take the kids and leave the home.

Counseling for him is a great idea, certainly if it helps clarify that he is a victim of domestic violence, but it might be too late to save this relationship. He should be counseled to call the police if his wife becomes physically violent. You should offer him emotional and other support to leave this dangerous relationship.

Counselors at the National Domestic Violence Hotline are available for all of you at (800) 799-7233. Read more on its website: www.ndvh.org.

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Dear Amy: “Disturbed” was upset by the “cougar” craze.

Not all women who date younger men are cougars.

I am a 55-year-old widow, and when I began to date again men my own age never approached me.

I was asked out by younger men often, and although I was at first reluctant, I finally succumbed.

Love doesn’t always have perfect timing.

Fortunately, I met a marvelous man whom I will marry soon and, yes, he is 23 years younger than me!

More Kitty

Than Cougar

Dear Kitty: One quibble. Love does have perfect timing.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson by e-mail to askamy@tribune.com.