Mother-in-law is still bitter about affair

Dear Amy: Many years ago my father-in-law had an affair. My mother-in-law chose to forgive him and stay in the marriage.

It has been apparent that she never really forgave him. She says she should have divorced him when he cheated.

Recently, my mother-in-law found love letters from the other woman. She gave them to my husband to read. He was very upset.

I’ve been thinking I should say something to my mother-in-law about how this is affecting my husband, but I don’t think she would take it well. What do you suggest?

Concerned Wife

Dear Concerned: In general, whenever contemplating an action that you believe your mother-in-law “wouldn’t take well,” it’s best to steer clear.

Your husband should tell her that he doesn’t want to read his father’s private mail -- or hear about the frustrations and betrayals in her marriage -- when the other person involved is his own father.

Your role is simple: to listen to and support your husband and encourage him to deal with his mother in a more definitive way. Ultimately, confronting her own unhappiness and making choices about her marriage will be her responsibility. She has a lot of work to do.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson by e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.