Baby sitter needs to set some rules with parents

Dear Amy: I’m a senior in high school and am very busy trying to get into a good college. I have many activities at school.

I have been baby-sitting for a family since I was in middle school. They have two children and I enjoy being with them. We do lots of fun things together.

Lately, however, the parents are putting a lot of pressure on me to baby-sit more and more. They seem to think of me as an older daughter and sister to the kids. I am honored to be so close to these girls, but I am too overwhelmed with school and college to focus on playing with them every available moment.

The parents have confronted me many times about why I am unable to come over and why I am so busy. I have told them repeatedly that colleges continue to ask for my semester grades, as well as the continual participation of school and community activities. They seem to believe that I am purposely avoiding them.

I am at the point where I would baby-sit for free for a whole Saturday just for them to not call me back for a couple of weeks.

Any help in getting out from the constraints of this toxic relationship would be greatly appreciated.

Already

Preoccupied Senior

Dear Senior: You are supposed to be in charge of your own life -- and that means you will have to be firm with people who don’t respect your situation or explanations.

Do not offer to baby-sit for free for this family. If you really feel this relationship has become toxic, perhaps you shouldn’t baby-sit for them at all.

Otherwise, you should establish a firm schedule. Tell them that from now until the end of school, you will only be available on certain days and times (list these days and specific time periods on a sheet of paper and give it to them to stick on the refrigerator).

You don’t have to offer any reasons or excuses about why you can’t baby-sit -- just say, “I’m sorry, I’m not available.”

Send questions to Amy Dickinson by e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.