Tina Fey says she’s become ‘human napkin’ for two daughters


Tina Fey is having a rough time at home now that “30 Rock” is over.

Fey, 43, a writer and star, wrapped her hit comedy “30 Rock” late last year and also made headlines this year for doing a blockbuster job hosting the Golden Globe Awards with friend and comedian Amy Poehler. But now the funny mother of two is spending a lot more quality time with her two daughers, and she revealed to David Letterman on “Late Show” Wednesday that her post-spotlight life isn’t nearly as glamorous.

The primping that comes along with award season couldn’t have come at a better time.

“I’m very excited to go to the Emmys. We’re so happy that the show got nominated, and they didn’t forget about us,” she said, deadpanning, “Also, I gotta get out of the house. I have not combed my hair since the Golden Globes.”

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The Primetime Emmy Awards will take place Sept. 22, and the actress can’t seem to wait for her glam squad to come arrive.

“I’m home with the kids, which is great, more. But now you’re just like a human napkin for kids, like, they just wipe their face on you and stuff,” she joked.

“And the show ended in December and then I sort of realized, like, oh, when you don’t have a bunch of people whose job it is to fix your hair and [say] ‘put this dress on’ and stuff... I thought I was a decent-looking person. It was such an immediate drop-off. The show ended ended on Friday, and by Monday morning, just gone. I was a crazy lady.”

So she’s hoping the Emmys will fix her beauty woes, despite making a dressmaker believe she “was a person fused to her couch” and expected her to lose 60 pounds.

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As for her daughters with husband Jeff Richmond — Alice is nearly 8 and Penelope is 2 — Fey admitted that she thinks the younger one might be “a sociopath” because of the creepy way she flatly says, “Oh, sorry,” after she does something wrong.


One time after the bath, her “over-tired” youngster was really unhappy that bathtime was over.

“She got real mad,” Fey said. “She looked me square in the eyes and, with two tiny little hands, choked me! And it’s so funny because they’re not strong enough to kill you and they want to kill you so bad!”

She also called Penelope “harrowing” because she’ll put kid-unfriendly items including glass paper weights and live hermit crabs in her mouth. Just ‘cause.

“She’s a weirdo; she’s real cute though,” Fey said with a laugh.

In other Fey news, the writer recently sold two female-driven comedies to NBC. This gig has her perched in a new facility in New York where she works on her show ideas and “makes toast.”

“So we used to be out in Long Island City and now there’s just five of us in an office in Manhattan and we’re very excited that we’re back in the city and we have an office,” she said. “We’re trying to think of new TV show ideas is the thing. But we’re so excited to be back in Manhattan in this nice new office... Immediately got robbed. The office got robbed immediately. And I was like, ‘Oh, we’re back in the big city.’ So that was about one of the most exciting things that happened.”

Technically, her office was burglarized, Letterman pointed out.

“I think one of the moving guys went upstairs and stole a computer from our office. And that had all my ideas on it!” she said.

“It wasn’t Jay Leno, was it?” Letterman asked. (That jab never gets old, Dave.)

Apparently surveillance footage, which Letterman rolled on the show, revealed a man taking the computer. However, Fey said she was unsure how to present her case to the police.


“New York’s a big city and you’re like, some guy stole my jokes!” Fey said. “And they’re like, ‘We’ll get right on it.’”

Oh, how we miss this woman!


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