Review: Slapdash ‘The Row’ is a bland addition to sorority slasher canon

By Kimber Myers

July 25, 2018 6:05 PM PT

This latest entry in horror’s tradition of sorority-set slashers appears to have been made on a college student’s budget, shot by a horny frat dude and edited by a drunken pledge. “The Row” is somehow even less fun than you’d imagine an EDM-infused, party-punch-soaked serial killer film would be, and it’s barely even a horror movie beyond its central concept.

Overprotective dad (Randy Couture) aside, freshman Riley (Lala Kent of “Vanderpump Rules”) is ready to pledge Phi Lambda, even if it means being hazed. But her future sorority sisters have more to worry about than losing their charter: A masked, wigged serial killer is targeting the young women, turning their corpses into dolls and taking trophies to create his own plaything.

As flimsy and disposable as a red Solo cup, this film from director Matty Beckerman thankfully fades from memory faster than your average Saturday night in college. Like its villain’s homemade doll (ick), its pieced-together stitching is obvious and haphazard.

Despite the sexy, gory image it wants to project, “The Row” barely earns that R rating. The camera is focused on women’s gyrating bodies with the slavering devotion of a teenager, but there’s no real nudity. The killer hacks his victims into pieces, but the movie is light on any serious on-screen gore due to camera angles and cuts.

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