In his place, husband-and-wife team Jason Jones and Samantha Bee filled in, though Bee had an issue with her husband actually sitting in Stewart's anchor chair.
"It is a national embarrassment. A disgusted public has poured into the streets, demanding change from the hideous status quo. And yet, still, these testosterone-fueled oafs, who have proven themselves unfit for their jobs, are kept on. And even promoted to positions where they can do even more harm," she said as intro.
"We're still talking about police, right?" Jones responded.
"Oh my God, no!" Bee responded. "We're talking about you." And the rest we can't repeat.
Stewart has hosted the show while under the weather before, but this time the "bubons" must be pretty bad. Jones and Bee were informed on Tuesday that one of them would have to host the show that night.
While Jones seemed to think they'd reached an agreement, where he handled Act 1 and she handled Act 2, Bee noted that it was Jones' rear in the anchor chair.
Still, Bee turned in some real reporting in a pretaped bit looking at the shocking lack of reliable statistics on how many people are shot by police every year.
Bee searched everywhere, through the Internet, statistics guru Nate Silver and even "three different Hanks from 'Breaking Bad.'" But the numbers just aren't available anywhere.
Once upon a time, John Oliver filled in for Jon Stewart and got his own show on HBO. Here's hoping people with that show-giving ability were watching Tuesday. The Jones-Bees need their own show. Now.
You can watch the entire segment here.