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A sample of Phyllis Diller’s humor classics

•"I went into a lingerie department one day and I said to the lady, ‘I’d like to see something in a bra,’ and she said, ‘I bet you would!’”

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•"I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, ‘Take off your clothes’?”

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•"Would you believe that I once entered a beauty contest? I must have been out of my mind. I not only came in last, I got 361 get-well cards.”

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•"Think of me as a sex symbol for the men who don’t give a damn.”

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•"Now, I don’t want you to get the idea that I have given up on my looks. I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.”

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•"When I go to bed at night, I’ve got so much grease on my body I wear snow chains to hold up my nightgown.”

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•"Some bad things have been happening to me. A pervert called me. Five times. Collect. And that damn fool won’t tell me where he lives. And my fan club broke up today. The guy died.”


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