Unless you've been living in the Dark Side Cave on the Outer Rim planet of Dagobah, you've probably heard there's a little movie coming out this week called "Star Wars: The Force Awakens."
The film had its official U.S. premiere in Hollywood on Monday, and fans of the franchise have been snapping up advance tickets ever since they were made available, to the tune of more than $100 million.
So unless you're a superfan who thought ahead, it might be difficult to see the movie when it opens nationwide Thursday night. But if you hit up your local bookstore, you might be able to ease the pain of waiting with some of the weirdest books ever to come out of the "Star Wars" universe.
Read, or read not. There is no try.
"The Star Wars Cook Book: Wookiee Cookies and Other Galactic Recipes" (Chronicle Books, 1998)
Here are two secrets to having a successful "Star Wars' party: pretend "The Phantom Menace" never happened and whip up some snacks from this deeply odd cookbook. Who could resist a plate of Boba Fett-uccine served with Tusken Raider Taters? And you can wash it all down with a glass of Yoda Soda.
"Star Wars Adventures: Luke Skywalker and the Treasure of the Dragonsnakes" (Dark Horse, 2011)
This comic book gets an honor based on the absurd title and cover alone. The book follows Luke Skywalker as he trains under Yoda in an adventure you didn't see in "The Empire Strikes Back." It involves a special object guarded by — you guessed it — dragonsnakes. Dragonsnakes!
"The Extremely Unofficial and Highly Unauthorized Star Wars Kama Sutra" (CreateSpace, 2014)
"Unofficial" and "unauthorized" are probably unnecessary qualifiers here, but the force is strong with George Lucas' lawyers. The book, as you might have figured, features sexual positions demonstrated by "Star Wars" action figures. "Don't try any of the positions in this book," author "S.N. Herder" warns. "Most of them are not physically achievable, and I've got no idea where you'd be able to find a Rancor, anyway."
"The Star Wars Little Golden Book Library" (Golden Books, 2014)
Aimed at 2- to 5-year-old readers, this box set of books recounts the plots of the first six "Star Wars" movies. Amazon reviewers gave the set high marks, though you have to wonder how they deal with, say, the strangulation death of Jabba the Hutt at the hands of a scantily-clad Princess Leia.
"Vader's Little Princess" (Chronicle Books, 2013)
The dark lord formerly known as Anakin Skywalker has never been so cute. Artist Jeffrey Brown imagines Vader raising his adorable daughter Leia — the cover features the little girl happily having a tea party with her dad and a stuffed Ewok. Brown also wrote the similar books "Darth Vader and Son" and "Goodnight Darth Vader."
"Star Wars Workbook: Preschool Shapes, Colors and Patterns" (Workman Publishing, 2014)