Dana Point authorities answer ‘wild’ cries for help

A concerned caller told police that she heard screaming near her residence for more than an hour, the Dana Point News reported. The sound seemed to come from some bushes. Authorities arrived, and, sure enough, they found an angry masked intruder stuck in a drainpipe -- a raccoon.

Not exactly a monsoon: You know how it is in Southern California -- a few raindrops and the whole area grinds to a stop. I guess that explains the signs that were posted on Willow Boulevard in Long Beach, where a grand total of one-half inch fell (see photo).

Lost in time? Some parking signs on Sunset Boulevard say “10 hour parking 8 a.m. to 6 p.m.,” where they’re apparently supposed to say something else. As they stand now, they’re nothing short of confusing, because there are obviously 10 hours between 8 a.m. and 6 p.m. (see photo).

“I think they are intended to keep homeless people from camping in their cars along this stretch,” writes Richard Stanley of Los Feliz. “But even most homeless people can tell the time and do basic math.”

Added Stanley: “Can you imagine what these public servants’ time cards must look like?”

Doughnuts in the doldrums? You could get that impression about the industry, judging from the businesses that have taken over local shops (see photos). Actually, I (gladly) did some research and found there is a limited selection of the pastries at each of the above, especially at the doctor’s. I don’t believe the doctor makes house calls, though.

Can’t we all get along? This item appeared in the crime log of the Huntington Beach Wave:

“Two men were fighting over their dogs, which were also fighting.” At least the wives didn’t get involved.

How about a sitcom called “Desperate Programmers?” Ratings have been disappointing for CBS’ drama “Cane,” starring Jimmy Smits. The TV ad for the show’s next installment proclaims breathlessly, “This is the episode you can’t miss.” Pardon me? The show has been on the air for four weeks.

MiscelLAny: I mentioned that during an idle moment in the new movie “The Kingdom,” FBI agent Jamie Foxx has this take on the feud between Shaquille O’Neal and Kobe Bryant: “Kobe’s a hater.” (The FBI got involved? Foxx doesn’t say.)

Anyway, it turns out this isn’t the only slam against the Lakers’ Bryant on the big screen.

In last year’s comedy “Scary Movie 4,” there’s a scene where guest star O’Neal is being held captive in a room when he hears a frightening voice.

“Kobe?” asks the terrified Shaq.

No, it wasn’t Bryant threatening to leave the Lakers and join O’Neal on the Miami Heat.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012, and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.