Soaking by DWP Gets Voters’ Attention

While sitting in the audience for Monday night’s mayoral debate in the Fairfax district, I spent part of the time reading my bill from the Los Angeles Department of Water and Power.

That’s not to say it wasn’t an engaging debate, and in fact, a terrific drama is unfolding in the final weeks of the campaign. But I’m always stunned by my DWP bill, if not by the handy tips stuffed inside.

“Conserving water saves you money and helps preserve our natural resources,” the DWP informed me while asking for $370.66.

You’re kidding. Conserving water saves me money and preserves resources?

“Use a bucket of soapy water to wash your car,” the text continued. “Use the hose only for the final rinse.”

Hey, there’s a breakthrough idea.

And here’s another:

“Use a broom instead of a hose to sweep up dirt and leaves from the sidewalk.”

I don’t know what genius at DWP came up with these tips. My guess, after the news of the last year on how things work in local government, is that a team of 30 in-house geniuses got together and brainstormed but came up dry.

So I’m guessing the DWP spent millions of dollars hiring people to come up with the car wash and broom insights.

That’s the way it worked when the water agency hosed away $3 million a year on a politically connected PR firm that allegedly padded its bills, charging the city up to $315 an hour for jobs like pumping up Mayor Jim Hahn’s image. Meanwhile, the DWP was pushing for a rate hike.

Thankfully, there’s a silver lining to this kind of monkey business. There’s been so much of it at City Hall, some Angelenos appear to be bucking tradition and -- brace yourselves, Los Angeles -- paying attention. A Times poll found that fewer than half of likely voters think Mayor Jim Hahn has honesty and integrity, and 34% came right out and said they believe he’s dishonest.

The Times poll put Hahn in a dead heat with Antonio Villaraigosa, his nemesis from the last election, and the man who would be my dinner date after Monday night’s debate.

Every time I looked up from my DWP bill Monday night, one of Hahn’s four challengers was taking batting practice on him, swinging for the fences.

“It does seem kind of a four-against-one kind of thing here, doesn’t it?” the beleaguered mayor said at one point.

He was sandwiched by Villaraigosa and Bernie Parks on one side, and by Bob Hertzberg and Richard Alarcon on the other. It was like seeing a wounded schnauzer surrounded by a pack of wild coyotes.

Taxpayers shelled out $3 million a year on public relations, Parks said, “for a water firm that has a monopoly.” And thanks to a water line break, Westsiders last week were boiling water as if they were in “some Third World country,” said Alarcon, who suggested DWP hire a PR firm to say the water’s OK.

Those who dismiss the candidates as a bunch of stiffs are missing a pretty good show, even if the ideas being tossed around aren’t all winners. In the competition for the most preposterous pitches, Hertzberg and Villaraigosa are neck and neck.

Hertzberg is going to balkanize the Los Angeles Unified School District, despite having no authority to do so, and Villaraigosa is going to transplant the New York City subway system in L.A., despite having no idea how to pay for it.

There’s vision, which is good. And there’s hallucination, which is not.

But the subjects of crime, housing, traffic and ethics are all getting quality airtime from the candidates, each of whom brings a different personality to the discussion.

Alarcon, who is at rock bottom in the polls and has nothing to lose, often gets the wildest cheers at the debates for his calls to quit the nonsense and root the money out of City Hall.

Parks, the only black guy in the race, is also the most conservative, and he always looks to me as if he’s seriously thinking about whipping out some handcuffs and hauling in Hahn -- maybe just overnight -- for questioning. Having been ousted as police chief in a move engineered by Hahn, Parks is getting his revenge with a million body blows on the subject of honesty and integrity.

So there was Hahn on Monday night, six inches away from a man who’d love to ruin his career. But the mayor had no escape. He certainly couldn’t slide his chair a few inches in the other direction, because if he did, he was liable to get knocked over by Bob “Huggy Bear” Hertzberg.

Hertzberg is the most accomplished wonk in the crowd. But it is now clear that his true purpose is to drive Hahn batty during debates by constantly mugging, gesturing, jabbing and chattering. Hertzberg cannot sit still to save his life, and they stick him next to a mayor who could sit through a three-alarm fire without moving a muscle until his pants combusted.

I, for one, am enjoying the show. It’s almost worth paying a $370 DWP bill.

Next up: on the town with a man who doesn’t want to go down in history as a guy who was knocked out not once, but twice, by Slim Jim.