Opinion: Love Boats and the Law

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When I first heard that state Senator Joe Simitian wants a cop aboard every cruise ship, I thought, heck, I’ll even move to his Palo Alto district to vote for that guy.

It’s a real breakthrough that an elected official is demanding that something be done then and there, not later, with enforcement, not fines, about the pollution damage that all the crap dumped from cruise ships can do to the world’s waters. Well, that’s only half of it. Simitian’s proposal to put a badge aboard every cruise ship is mostly about sexual assaults and passengers overboard. It’s financed by a $1-per-passenger fee.

It’s a fabulous idea and a stealthily smart one. Simitian has been concerned about cruise pollution for a while, and he knows very well that one is going to get behind a passenger fee for a ‘crap cop.’ But by making it first and foremost about public safety, and comparing ship marshals to air marshals, he’s made a case that’s hard to argue against, especially considering that, according to Simitian, the existing shipboard security ‘works for the cruise line – not for the passengers and not for the public.’

I’m already writing the series – they’ll go mad for it at Fox, what with the sun, the sea, the sex – like ‘Love Boat,’ with Miranda warnings. I’m calling it ‘Cruise Ship Cop.’