‘90210’: No more happy half-birthdays for Silver


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I’m having a bit of a problem processing all that went down on this week’s “90210.” I guess I should begin where the episode ended: on Silver’s couch.

At the top of the show, Silver (Jessica Stroup) is managing her mother’s illness like a prison guard. She has mnemonic devices for which pills Jackie (Ann Gillespie) is to take and this gnarly binder that organizes Jackie’s day into color-coded columns and tabs. At the same time, Silver is realizing that her mother has been pretty much absent most of her life, as signified by Jackie’s blank stares when Silver mentions some of her childhood memories.


It’s clear that Teddy’s friendship is getting her through the ordeal. Not only does he relate to Silver, since he lost his own mother to cancer, but he also pinch hits for her when she has to run out to the doctor and helps Jackie set up a half-birthday surprise for her. With Teddy (Trevor Donovan) and the nurses’ help, Jackie re-creates Silver’s 7th birthday, when she was into outer space, and her 12th birthday, when she was obsessed by the ‘80s. She also promises to throw Silver and the gang a half-birthday bash. Silver has been celebrating her half-birthday instead of her actual birthday for years, since her real birthdays usually have been ruined by Jackie getting plastered.

Then, just as we’re having warm fuzzies for Jackie again, Silver walks in to find her unresponsive on the couch, the same blank stare on her face that she had earlier when Silver was reminiscing. Did she die? We’ll know next week. Either way, Silver is probably going to swear off birthdays, even fractions of birthdays, forever.

On the other hand, Dixon (Tristan Wilds) gets no pity from me. Sure, he starts the episode in the dumps over Sasha’s miscarriage, but that changes. In an effort to stop him from visiting Sasha, Debbie (Lori Loughlin) finally tells him the truth about the faked pregnancy. Instead of being like, “Mom, you rock for saving me from the nutty cradle robber,” Dixon gets angry at her for keeping it from him. He even says to her later in the episode that she isn’t his “real” mom. No, he didn’t. If Debbie isn’t his “real” mom, then those must not be “real” clothes on his back, or a “real” roof over his head, or “real” food on the table. Shoot. The only person who needs to get “real” in this situation is Dixon.
One character who is keeping it real is Navid (Michael Steger)...

After witnessing Jasper (Zach Sherman) get in Adrianna’s car and then exit shuffling a wad of cash, Navid makes it his duty to expose Jasper’s drug dealing. When he confronts Jasper, the greaser says Adrianna is just paying him back some money he lent her for lunch. It’s plausible, I guess, if the “90210” cafeteria served caviar and truffles. Judging from an earlier scene when Navid and Teddy were arguing the virtues of the cafeteria’s curly fries versus its tater tots, that doesn’t seem the case.

It might take a while, though, for the truth about Jasper’s shadiness to get out. Last we left Navid, he was Googling “Jasper Herman, Drugs’ with no results. Go figure! And Gia (Rumer Willis), his top news producer, was trying to drum up a witness. Her persuasive pitch? It went something like, “Will you help us expose Jasper as a drug dealer? No. Alrighty. I’ll see you at the Peach Pit later, right?”

Hopefully, it doesn’t take too long for Navid to find the dirt he needs on Jasper. Ade (Jessica Lowndes) has fully returned to her old junkie ways. All that money she gave to Jasper? Naomi gave it to her, so they can buy Silver a rockin’ half-birthday present. Sure, she can always find another dealer, but maybe Navid’s efforts will help her from returning to the girl she was last season. I, for one, do not want the bangs to make a comeback.


Liam (Matt Lanter), though, finally has all his ducks in a row. After spending most of the episode snapping at everyone, he finally breaks down and tells Teddy, Dixon and Ivy (Gillian Zinser) that Jen Clarke (Sara Foster) has been weaving a web of lies around him since they hooked up on prom night. I was admittedly touched by them rallying around him. I can’t wait to see the plan they collectively hatch to help Liam get even with Jen. She may not be their biggest challenge, though. Let’s face it: Liam has a penchant for self-sabotage.

And the award for gross-out moment of the week goes to Annie (Shenae Grimes) and Jasper. No, it wasn’t for the scene in which they were running lines for Annie’s audition and she told him she loved him. That was runner-up. The grossest moment of the episode was when she and Jasper began hooking up. Yuck. When her shirt came off and she bit her lip, and then he fell onto the bed, I was crawling out of my skin. He’s all greasy and she’s just so pathetic right now. Thankfully, the scene stopped there. I will be fighting the image all week.

-- Jethro Nededog (follow me on Twitter @TheRealJethro)

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Full ‘90210’ coverage on Show TrackerPhotos, from top: Ann Gillespie as Jackie and Jessica Stroup as Silver on “90210.” Credit: Michael Desmond / The CW; Matt Lanter as Liam Court on ‘90210.’ Credit: Patrick Wymore / The CW