A Longing to See Their Grandchildren

Question: My husband and I are in our early 60s. Our only son and daughter-in-law divorced a year ago. We are heartbroken because our two grandchildren have moved 100 miles away with their mother, and we’ve only seen them once the past year. Our son has visiting rights and lives close to us. How can we communicate with our grandchildren more often?

Answer: Your problem is a sad but common one. Statistics show that only 5% of all grandchildren see their grandparents at least twice a week and 80% see them once a week to once a year. This trend is attributed to many factors, including the high divorce rate and job mobility.

Since your son has visiting rights, talk with him about possibly seeing more of your grandchildren. When the children visit their father for the weekend or on an extended vacation, arrange for a family get-together including activities the children will enjoy. If you son is driving the youngsters to and from their mother’s home, you may want to volunteer driving to his place to visit them.

If you and your husband travel and have a good rapport with your former daughter-in-law, ask if she would be agreeable to your taking the children on an occasional outing. You should first discuss this with your son and grandchildren to find out how they feel about it. To sustain your relationship between visits, exchange letters, photos and phone calls with your grandchildren.

Q: I am 65 and a Medicare recipient. I will be traveling abroad the coming year. My neighbor got sick while in Europe and had to pay directly for her health care. Since Medicare does not cover foreign travel, are there alternatives?

A: Yes, a number of health-care policies cover medical costs while traveling abroad. One company, Health Care Abroad, provides coverage to travelers up to age 85 for $2.50 for each day the traveler is out of the country. However, travelers over 75 must provide a current doctor’s certificate of fitness to travel.

The policy includes $100,000 medical coverage for hospital and physician services in 130 countries. At the time of purchase, travelers are mailed a directory of the major participating doctors and hospitals. An identification card is provided to facilitate processing. In the event of illness or accident abroad, the traveler is directed to the appropriate facility for treatment. Medical emergency transportation is also provided at no additional cost. The traveler is assessed a $50 deductible charge.

There are exclusions in the plan, including some relating to prior medical conditions. Visit your doctor and get his go-ahead before proceeding with your travel.

Refunds are available if the policyholder cancels the trip with three days’ notice.

Additional coverage is also available. For more information, contact Health Care Abroad, 923 Investment Building, 1511 K St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20005, or your insurance or travel agent about other health-care programs for travelers.

Q: My father was recently discharged from the hospital after surgery on a broken hip. Rather than sending him to a nursing home to recuperate, my husband and I thought it would be better to keep him at home. We thought that we had been giving him excellent care, but I noticed after a week that he developed horrible sores. Now I feel like a failure and wonder if he might be better off in a nursing home. What causes these sores? How can they be avoided?

A: You should not feel like a failure because your father developed pressure sores, or bedsores. What is important is that you get him medical treatment for the problem. Bedsores may begin to form after only two hours of constant pressure or friction against the skin. They are painful, slow-healing wounds which, once started, are difficult to heal. If a pressure sore is left untreated, it can become infected and may involve deeper tissues, including muscles and bone.

Anyone confined to a bed or chair for a period is at risk. An older person like your father may be more at risk because of his immobilizing hip condition and fragile skin.

Even with the best care, pressure sores may form. To minimize their development, encourage your father to move his body position regularly. If he can’t do it himself, shift him at least every two hours. Bathe his entire body at least weekly and moisturize the skin with baby or mineral oil. Keep the bed clothing dry and don’t put plastic or rubber materials in direct contact with the skin. Keep his nutrition at as high a level as his appetite will allow.

Consult your father’s physician or a visiting nurse about how to best treat pressure sores. Don’t let your embarrassment prevent him from getting the medical attention he needs.